


the light of the universe (is reflected in your eyes)

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Orphan Black (TV), Star Trek
Genre: (most notably and with a speaking role: jadzia dax and kira nerys), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, F/F, Interspecies Romance, mentions/brief appearances of DS9 characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 21:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16982511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: snippets of the relationship of Lieutenant Cosima Niehaus and Second Star Recorder Dyelfean fromCh. 20 of my Cophine AUs





	the light of the universe (is reflected in your eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a continuation of [the star trek au i wrote for the exobiology AU prompt in Every Me and Every You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812904/chapters/37530959). i highly recommend you go and read that first, since it sets up Dyelfean's character and how Cosima and her met and why she is on board a Starfleet ship in the first place. apologies again, for how terrible i have been to delphine's name (at about 20k of this, it suddenly hit me that i could have just used her actual name and then search-and-replace'd it, instead of making me type it over and over again. i'm an idiot.)
> 
> _**trigger/content warnings**_ for this: interspecies romance (human/alien), talk about masturbation, mention/brief touching on (internalized) homophobia (no slurs, no insults), interspecies sex (human/alien) (elaboration of that in end note), war, death, mentions of genocide (the Occupation of Bajor is brought up) (for the not-trekkers, elaboration/warnings for that in end note)
> 
> this took on a life of its own, but i had a lot of fun writing it. idk if i will continue writing for this AU, the Dominion War in ST canon isn't a period i am particularly fond of, but exploring how Dyelfean's existance may have changed it could be interesting... no promises, though.

"You look ridiculous," Cosima shakes her head before reaching out to attempt and smooth down Dyelfean's curls.

"Hrmpf," the blonde protests and turns around, snuggling deeper into Cosima’s pillow. She really is not a morning person, Cosima is finding. When given the chance, she prefers to sleep in and stay in bed for as long as possible, on her days off.

"Come on," she murmurs and leans over to brush her lips over the base of Dyelfean's right ear. It makes the blonde shudder, a soft trilling sound leaving her. One that Cosima finds utterly adorable and has maybe made it a personal mission to elicit at least once a day.

"We have to get up."

"No," Dyelfean shakes her head, reaching up to cradle the back of Cosima's head in her hand. She shifts and opens her eyes briefly before kissing her. "I am not getting out of bed," she declares.

"You are the worst influence," Cosima shakes her head at the blonde, but climbs back into bed, herself. Presses up against Dyelfean's back and wraps her arms around her middle. The Phrenarian lets out a soft sigh and wiggles a little, pushing back into Cosima.

How someone who is almost two heads taller than her keeps successfully using Cosima as the big spoon is beyond her. She's certain that it can't be comfortable, for Dyelfean, the level of which she curls in on herself every time Cosima does this. She knows that, when having the bed to herself, Dyelfean prefers to stretch out. Yet she never complains when Cosima hugs her, on the contrary, she seems to actually enjoy being held like this. With Cosima’s arm draped over her middle, Delphine holding onto her hand gently.

The brunette shifts and stretches a little, to be able to kiss Dyelfean's neck.

"You smell like, sunshine."

"Sunshine?" the Phrenarian repeats with a soft chuckle. Turns around and strokes Cosima's cheek. "Where do you get that from?"

"No idea," she tells her. "Just, something about it feels, warm. Very warm and nice. Like sunshine."

Dyelfean shakes her head and leans in, to capture Cosima's lips in a soft kiss. It makes the brunette think that, perhaps Dyelfean has a point.

The Al-Batani is in dock at Deep Space Nine, right now. There is no work for them, nothing at all. It'll be a few days, until the ship has finished maintenance. Surely they can spend one of those in bed, together.

"Cosima," Dyelfean whispers against her lips as the brunette presses up against her. She lets out a soft sigh and leans back a little.

"Yeah?" she mutters. Searches Dyelfean's face, the way her ears are up and alert, flicking nervously. How there's that cute purple blush to her cheeks. She reaches up and touches the soft skin there, making Dyelfean close her eyes in contentment.

It's been, three months, since the first kiss. Since Cosima realized that she was falling in love with the Phrenarian.

As far as Starfleet is concerned, they're still not overly enthusiastic, about Dyelfean being on board the Al-Batani. And what is more, Cosima thinks that Dyelfean's own government had a few choice words to say, when the Phrenarian basically ran off. Right now, she's in a bit of, legal limbo. Dyelfean told her about not wanting to return to Phrenar. Not that Cosima blames her, really. She wouldn't want to go back to a society that had no concept of your lived experience, either. Even if it is her home world.

Captain Iswold seems to be happy enough with letting Dyelfean stay on board, for the time being. She's argued with command that, having someone native to the Gamma Quadrant who is familiar with star charts beyond the reach of Starfleet on board could only be an asset. So far, she has won each and every single argument, but Cosima wonders how long that will hold out for. How much time they have left, before Starfleet demands that Dyelfean be removed from the ship.

Cosima is pretty sure that in all those conversations, she had with Starfleet Command, the captain omitted the fact that Dyelfean and her basically share quarters, these days. Dyelfean never really used hers, after they started... dating? Could it be called that? Seeing each other? Yes, maybe, maybe that. It seems more, respectful, more dignified.

She got a new bed, one that's significantly longer than her old one used to be. So that Dyelfean could sleep comfortably. They switched it with the one in what's supposed to be the Phrenarian's quarters. She still has a long couch there, if Dyelfean should ever feel like sleeping alone. So far, she hasn't. Which, Cosima will admit, had been somewhat of a surprise. As far as she is aware, the Phrenarie are not that big on sharing their beds, unless it’s for the express purpose of sex. But here Dyelfean is, in her bed, night after night, just wanting to curl up with Cosima.

They spent most of yesterday on Bajor. It's been a while, since Cosima visited the planet, and Dyelfean had never been, so it seemed like a good idea, especially since they haven't had any shore leave in a while.

She thinks Dyelfean was most fascinated by the way Bajoran religion is present in their everyday lives. The Phrenarie aren't big on religion, themselves. So seeing a species that has made it an integral part of their identities, that must have been, jarring, for her. But the blonde had been immensely respectful the whole time, listening with rapt attention to a guided tour of one of the monasteries and asking Cosima if they could visit it again, once she's read up some on Bajoran culture and religion. She’d easily agreed to that plan. There is something, about Bajor’s monasteries, that does make her want to see more of them.

Now, though, the Phrenarian reaches up and cradles her face, searching Cosima's eyes. Leans in for a deep kiss, one that makes Cosima see stars for a second. Before she feels one of Dyelfean's hands leave her face, and then the back of it brushes over Cosima's forehead.

She thought she saw Dyelfean make that gesture the other night, after Cosima had killed the light. But then the blonde hadn't said anything, or done anything about it, so Cosima had figured that either she'd been mistaken and Dyelfean had just rubbed her hand over her forehead, or the blonde had changed her mind immediately after. Either way, she'd curled up at Cosima's side and gone to sleep without a remark, and Cosima had figured that she'd just, leave it be.

She can't very well ignore it now. Dyelfean pushes against her, her hips rolling into Cosima's body and they are so close she knows Dyelfean is aware of her feeling the gesture.

"Cosima," the blonde whispers and nudges her nose with her own. "Cosima, please."

How, exactly, do you go about having sex with someone who's from an entirely different species and who, until recently, didn't know the concept of 'pleasurable sexual encounters'?

The Human lets out a soft sigh and breaks their kiss. Leans back to be able to look at Dyelfean.

"You sure?" she asks her and searches her face. "I mean, that was, that was the mating thing, right?"

"Yes," Dyelfean nods, her throat working as she swallows, hard. "I... I want to know, what it is like."

"Okay, before we try and do this, little disclaimer: I have slept with, Human women, before."

"I have mated with Phrenarian males," Dyelfean returns. "Your point?"

"No, I meant..." Cosima trails off, searching for the right words. "I meant to say, my whole experience, that's only what my own species finds pleasurable, you know? I have no idea..." she shrugs, worrying at her lip.

"I don't know what you like, either," Dyelfean points out, flushing. "We can find out together," she adds with a soft smile, her fingers toying with a lock of Cosima's hair. She seems, relaxed, Cosima thinks. Nervous, yes, her ears are moving, but they're at the 'excited' stage, nowhere near fear or discomfort.

"We can," Cosima nods. Tilts her head as she runs her hand down the side of Dyelfean's shirt. "Have you ever, touched yourself?" she asks her.

"Touched myself?" the blonde repeats, brows knitting. "You mean masturbation?"

"Yes," Cosima nods. It's her turn to blush now, she can feel the heat spreading across her face.

"I tried," Dyelfean murmurs and tilts her head back a little when Cosima leans in to kiss her jaw softly. "I think I did it wrong," she sighs. "It did not feel good."

"Poor you," Cosima murmurs, kissing her way down the blonde's throat. She seems to like that. Cosima has done that, before. Has managed to elicit those soft trills from Dyelfean while doing so, even. The short sequence of sounds that indicates contentment. It was much lower than usual, when she did it then, as well.

"Have you?" Dyelfean breathes and shifts to brush her lips over Cosima's forehead.

"Masturbated?" Cosima asks. At Dyelfean's soft humm of assent, she nods. "Yes, definitely," she confirms.

Feels Dyelfean tense somewhat.

"Hey," she whispers and strokes her cheek. "We don't have to do this. We can just keep it the way it has been," Cosima tells her. "I like that way very, very much," she adds with a gentle smile.

She does. She's never felt like something was missing, in her relationship with Dyelfean. Never thought that it was less real, less important or less intense just because they haven't had sex, or seen each other naked. And she honestly didn't really expect them to ever have sex, either. She knows about the whole 'mating isn't for pleasure' thing Dyelfean's species has going on. To be honest, it had made her wonder, and worry, that it may not be a societal thing, but a biological one. That they actually can’t feel pleasure like that.

"I like it, too," Dyelfean smiles at her, relaxing again. With a thoughtful expression, she trails her fingers down the middle of Cosima's top before slipping her hand beneath it. It makes the brunette draw a sharp breath at the warmth of Dyelfean's fingers. Her abdominal muscles tense at the contact and her eyes close briefly, before she feels Dyelfean withdraw.

"That's nice," she tells her. "You can do that, if you want," she adds when the blonde stops.

"Yes?" Dyelfean asks, watching her. "You tensed," she points out, causing Cosima to chuckle.

"Not because I don't like it," she shakes her head. "You just feel really warm," she tells her. Their difference in body temperature has led to some issues when it comes to sharing a bed. Cosima usually prefers a blanket, but the standard Starfleet issue is too thick and keeps Dyelfean's body heat in too well, so they switched to softer sheets. Still, sometimes Cosima wakes up sweating in the middle of the night, half-covered by Dyelfean's body, heat radiating off the other woman.

"I, don't want to do something you don't like," the blonde sighs, worrying at her lower lip as her ears droop. "I don't, want to hurt you," she adds, her voice barely audible.

"I promise I'll tell you, alright? If I'm uncomfortable. Trust me, you'll know," Cosima tries to assure her.

"Maybe it was a bad idea," the Phrenarian sighs and untangles herself. Sits up and brushes her hair from her face. Cosima moves and kneels on the bed, to kiss her shoulder before she wraps her arms around them gently, hugging Dyelfean from behind.

"I love you," she whispers to her. "Whether we have sex or not, that doesn't change my feelings."

She feels Dyelfean cover her hands with her own and lean back a little into Cosima.

"I love you, as well," the Phrenarian replies and brushes her lips over Cosima's cheek. "I will take a shower," she declares after and gets out of bed, leaving Cosima to look after her, her brows creasing into a thoughtful frown.

* * *

The bed dipping wakes her. Cosima blinks and reaches up, rubbing her hand over her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asks, blinking at Dyelfean's back. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Just wanted to lay down, be comfortable, as she read one of Engineering’s last reports. It must have been rather dry, Cosima thinks, because she cannot remember one bit of it.

"I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine," Cosima shakes her head, yawning as Dyelfean climbs into bed. "Did you have a nice evening?" she murmurs as she snuggles close. Feels Dyelfean's chest rise as the Phrenarian draws a deep breath.

"Yes," she confirms. "Lieutenant Dax was very nice. I rather enjoyed talking to her."

"Good," Cosima mutters, her eyes already closing again. She feels Dyelfean's fingers run through her hair, gently massaging her scalp and lets out a sigh of contentment at the gentle caress.

"Cosima?" the Phrenarian whispers after a few moments.

"Hm?" she returns, fighting back against sleep as it tries to pull her under. But the other woman doesn't say anything for a while.

"Nothing," she finally speaks and presses a soft kiss to Cosima's head. "Sleep, love."

She dimly thinks that perhaps she should push back. Should ask Dyelfean what is on her mind, what's going on in that very pretty head of hers. But Cosima finds she's just too tired, the moment she thinks it, the thought is already gone, sleep finally claiming her.

* * *

"Careful," Cosima says and quickly takes the mug from Dyelfean's hands before she can take a sip of the warm liquid.

"What are you-"

"That is my coffee," she tells the blonde. Whose eyes widen in surprise.

"Oh," she whispers and frowns down at the table. "I could have sworn... Did I not set my mug down here?" she asks and puts her hands on her hips, casting a look around for the errand mug that holds her breakfast.

"I, may have figured that it was from yesterday and recycled it," Cosima ducks her head, holding up her hands in a placating manner. "Sorry, sorry, I'll get you a new one, just let me know what you were having," she apologizes. And hears Dyelfean chuckle, much to her surprise.

"I appreciate your attempt at cleaning your quarters," she tells her and leans down to kiss her cheek. "Even if it made you get rid of my breakfast," she says and saunters over to the replicator, to order a new round of breakfast for herself.

Cosima frowns as she casts a glance around. Her quarters really don't look that bad. Besides the clothes that are strewn around, it is rather tidy, actually. Well, by her standards, anyway. Dyelfean hasn't complained about it.

"Does it, bother you?" she asks her when the blonde cradles her new mug and takes a sip. It makes Cosima shudder, just the thought of it. Consistency of a yogurt drink with weird, spongy bits in it. Cosima tried it once, and it made her gag. How Dyelfean can have that every morning is an absolute mystery to her. But it seems to provide her with enough energy and nutrients to tide her over until lunchtime or even a little later, sometimes.

"Does what bother me?" the blonde asks, cocking her head as she holds onto her food.

"You know," the brunette shrugs, gesturing around her quarters. "The, chaos," she tries to settle on a word.

Dyelfean blinks and tilts her head at her. Purses her lips as she surveys the room.

"It does not bother me, no," she finally says. "And besides, these are your quarters, yes? You should be able to keep them the way you wish."

The statement makes Cosima furrow her brows at her.

"Hold on," she says and reaches up to brush her hair behind her ear. "I guess technically, they are just my quarters, but... I want you to feel, comfortable, here, as well. So if my chaos bothers you, tell me. I'll clean up, no prob."

"Cosima," Dyelfean shakes her head with slight amusement. Walks over and sets her mug down, in order to be able to settle her hands on the Human's hips. "It bothers me that you think I would not tell you, if something upset me."

"I'm not talking about being upset, though," Cosima shakes her head. "I'm talking about generally feeling like you don't like something. Instead of, toughing it out, I'd like to know if you feel like something isn't, nice," she tries to explain. Searches Dyelfean's face. "Your own quarters, when you used them, they were like, spotless," she reminds her.

"That is what I prefer, for my own space," Dyelfean nods. Her ears flick as her brows furrow. "Disorder can be, overwhelming, for me," she admits. "Not your particular brand of it, though," she hurries to add.

Cosima finds herself letting out a disbelieving snort at that.

"Yeah, sure," she shakes her head. Searches Dyelfean's face. "Would you be offended, if I asked you to, go to town on my place, so to speak?"

"I'm sorry, what?" the Phrenarian frowns at her.

"Clean it up the way you prefer," Cosima elaborates. "I'll give you free reign, and I promise I will not be upset at all with the result."

"You'd hate it," Dyelfean laughs with a shake of her head. "Cosima, you are the embodiment of chaos."

"Am not!" she protests heatedly and opens her mouth for another retort, but her comm badge beeps at that moment.

"Lieutenant Niehaus, you have a long-distance video call waiting," one of the engineers says and Cosima sighs.

"Right," she mutters. "I'll take it in my quarters," she tells him before signing off.

Dyelfean has let go of her and is checking her reflection briefly before putting on her communicator badge.

"I have a check-up I have to go to," she tells Cosima.

"You're not getting sick, are you?" Cosima frowns at her. These frequent visits to sickbay are starting to worry her.

"No," Dyelfean shakes her head. "I think Doctor Bashir just wants to ask some questions and he can't work out an inoffensive way to do it, so he limits himself to do so during examinations. I fear that he has a lot of questions and not enough methods of checking my vitals to go through all of them," the Phrenarian snickers before returning to brush her lips over Cosima's.

"Have fun, then," the brunette replies. "Don't torture the poor guy too much," she adds as Dyelfean is already halfway out the door.

With a shake of her head, she goes over to the couch table and gets her computer. Sits down and opens the transmission.

"Hi Mom," she greets the other Human woman on the screen, forcing a smile.

* * *

Alright, she would have hated it, if Dyelfean had actually taken Cosima up on the offer of cleaning up her quarters to the Phrenarian's wishes.

Deep Space Nine's crew helped swap out the too-short bed for another extra long one, so they slept at her place for a change.

It's, pristine. There's barely any furniture in it. Even the standard issue things have been removed in favor of more Phrenarian items. The usual couch with a back has been replaced by a longer, more bench-like model without a back to lean against. The coffee table is gone entirely, and the standard issue table with chairs is, as well. In its stead is a long, slim bar, with two chairs.

Dyelfean had some shelves installed, and all her PADDs are neatly stacked on them. There's some strange kind of holographic plant. It's both decoration and game in one, Cosima found to her surprise. The long tendrils can change color upon touch, they do so in a pattern with the three closest around them. The goal is to get them all to match. When Cosima first saw the thing, its tendrils were a deep purple. She'd spent over an hour, playing with it, but didn't manage to get them to match up again, so for a few days, it was an absolute chaotic multi-colored thing. Then Dyelfean switched them to green. Now they're yellow, so Cosima knows her girlfriend has been playing around with it.

She likes these sort of puzzles, Cosima is discovering. There's a Bajoran who sells puzzle boxes and gimmicks like that on the Promenade. Dyelfean was completely entranced by his wares and stopped by every day they were on the station, but never picked one up. She's kind of frugal, with money, actually. Which may have been a good thing, because now Cosima has a box full of small gifts for Dyelfean, since she asked the vendor which puzzles the Phrenarian had found most interesting and got those for her.

"Cosima?"

"Hm?" the brunette murmurs and tears her eyes from the game board. They're sitting on the floor, on pretty comfortable cushions, Cosima has to admit. Dyelfean discovered Chess while looking through the datalogs on Human society, and introduced her to a similar game Phrenarians play. It's more complex, at least to Cosima's mind, but then again, she never was that good at chess, either.

"Please do not leave your clothes lying around here," Dyelfean says.

"I'm not-" Cosima goes to protest, and immediately, Dyelfean points at her bar-slash-workstation, where Cosima put her uniform jacket.

"Seriously? That bothers you?"

"Yes," the Phrenarian nods, her ears standing up. Cosima lets out a huff and leans back.

"What do you want me to do with it? I mean, short of lowering the temperature in here, I don't see a reason to put it back on," she shakes her head.

Dyelfean watches her for a moment, before she stands, long legs unfolding from beneath her. She walks over and picks up the jacket Cosima carelessly tossed onto the surface. Folds it up neatly and walks over to the bedroom door, next to which is a small organizing unit. Dyelfean puts the folded jacket on top of it, smoothes it out again, and gives a curt nod of satisfaction and returns to her place on the floor.

"Feel better?" Cosima arches an eyebrow at her.

"Very much so," the Phrenarian confirms and reaches out to make her pass. "Threat to the engineer," she declares, causing Cosima to blink down at the board.

"Wait, what?" she exhales and frowns. "I don't see it," she shakes her head, checking her pieces over. The one Dyelfean used isn't in any direct line with any of them.

The Phrenarian reaches out and taps one of Cosima's pieces.

"How about now?" she asks with a tilt of her head, and Cosima lets out a string of curses, realizing that, not only is her engineer under threat, but the two moves she has that may save them would either cost her half her resources, or an admiral.

"You did that on purpose because you knew I wouldn't be able to save them," she huffs as she crosses her arms.

"No," Dyelfean shakes her head. "Exploiting your poor grasp of the strategies of this game would have been me using your opening to win two rounds ago," the Phrenarian smirks, causing Cosima's jaw to drop.

"That's it!" she declares with a shake of her head. "Next time we play something, I'm teaching you poker, and I am going to wipe the floor with you."

"Let us hope your analytical skills of card probabilities are better than your strategic planning," Dyelfean nods as Cosima decides to abandon the engineer and instead inch closer to promoting one of her left-over pieces. At Cosima's glare, the Phrenarian picks up her admiral and puts them three spaces closer to Cosima. Holds up her hand to indicate her move is not finished as she takes in the board, then gives a satisfied nod.

"Threat to your admiral, and since I cannot see a way for you to get out of that without losing over half of your pieces, victory to me," she declares with a soft smile as Cosima gapes at the board. "Would you care for a rematch?"

"Oh, it is on," Cosima presses out between her teeth as she starts setting up the board again. She thinks she hears Dyelfean trilling softly before she goes to help her.

* * *

Dyelfean cleaned up her quarters.

Cosima blinks at the realization and pauses halfway to her couch.

It's still 'messy' and chaotic, at first glance. But now, there seems to be an underlying order to that chaos.

Like the numerous PADDs she has, on different star charts and maps and observations, they're no longer scattered around aimlessly. Instead, they are sitting in three stacks on the table in front of her couch.

Her clothes are no longer on the floor. They're draped, without wrinkles, over the back of the couch and her chairs.

All the empty mugs are gone, as well. The dirty ones, at least. There are a few clean glasses sitting on the counter in the food area, as well as an empty pitcher.

"Computer," Cosima calls out and hears the soft beeping of acknowledgment. "When was the last access to these quarters by Dyelfean?"

"Last access by Second Star Recorder Dyelfean was recorded at 1056 hours ship time."

The middle of Cosima's shift, then.

"Computer, location of Dyelfean?"

"Second Star Recorder Dyelfean is currently in her quarters, Deck 5, Section 8."

"Thanks," Cosima mumbles and sets down her mug before leaving her quarters. She pauses in front of Dyelfean's, uncertain if she should just, walk right in, or if she should use the buzzer.

Dyelfean gave her the access code ages ago, but so far, Cosima never had to make use of it. She's not sure what the rules for this scenario are. Dyelfean has a code for Cosima's quarters, as well, but she never uses them, either. Most of the time, she doesn't have to, Cosima and her returning to the Human's quarters together. The few times when she may have used it, she still used the buzzer, instead of, barging in. Aside from when she thought that Cosima was asleep. And earlier, apparently, when she tried to sneakily clean her place.

With a shake of her head, Cosima reaches out and touches her fingers to the buzzer. Bounces as she waits for Dyelfean to answer.

"Cosima, hello," she greets her with a tiny smile when she opens the doors. "I thought you said you wanted to have the evening to yourself?"

Cosima finds herself cringing at the words. They're not exactly what she'd said. She'd told Dyelfean she needed a bit of room, to breathe. That work was ridiculous and she felt stressed and she could just really, really do with a couple of hours by herself, so she can hear herself think, for a change. She'd been pretty forceful, as well.

"Can I, talk to you?" she asks and gestures at Dyelfean's quarters.

"Of course," the Phrenarian nods and steps aside to let her in.

It's surprisingly cold in her quarters. Dyelfean usually has the temperature set to the ship standard, if not a little higher. Now Cosima shivers and crosses her arms.

"Computer, reset temperature," Dyelfean calls, the acknowledging beep quickly followed by a rise in ambient temperature.

"Why did you lower it?" Cosima asks and Dyelfean shrugs.

"I felt like..." she trails off, her brows dipping. "When I was a child, the Carers would wrap us up in thick blankets when we were, sad, for no apparent reason. I do it, sometimes, but got too warm under them with the temperature the way it way, so…" she shrugs.

"You're, sad for no reason?" Cosima frowns, shifting. Watches, as Dyelfean's eyes skid away and her ears flick nervously.

"Look, I," Cosima begins and takes a step closer. "I was going to tell you to please ask, when you feel like doing stuff, to my quarters," she tells her. "I don't like coming home to find things have been changed. It, it leaves me, uncomfortable, knowing someone was in my quarters."

"I'm sorry," Dyelfean apologizes.

"It's alright," Cosima waves her off. "And it's not that I'm uncomfortable with you having been there, just a general discomfort."

"I understand," Dyelfean murmurs. "I won't do it again. I am sorry, Cosima."

The brunette lets out a soft sigh and takes Dyelfean's hand, trying to catch her eyes, but the Phrenarian doesn't meet her gaze.

"Are you going to tell me, why you feel, sad?" she asks her carefully. Hears Dyelfean let out a soft breath.

"You, spoke to your parents," she says finally, and Cosima feels herself frowning in confusion.

"You're sad I talked to them?"

"No," Dyelfean shakes her head, her ears drooping further. "No, it's... I have been with you, with the Al-Batani, for nine months now," she says before worrying at her lower lip for a moment. "And I know that, Aelduss, he has spoken to Captain Iswold, and Starfleet command, as well as petitioned the Federation itself to, unhand me, so to speak."

"Yeah, I know," Cosima confirms.

"But he, he never... he didn't talk, to me," the Phrenarian breathes, blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears.

"Oh Dyelfean," Cosima breathes and drops her hand in favor of pulling the other woman into a tight hug.

She forgot. That just because Dyelfean hadn't experienced feeling homesick before, that wasn't a guarantee that she never would. She'd assumed that there was something in their genetics, maybe, that prevented Phrenarians from becoming too attached, to a person or place. Apparently, she'd been rather mistaken in that assumption, if the shaking of Dyelfean's shoulders is any indication.

"Sh, it's okay. It's okay," Cosima murmurs. "I'm sorry you miss him. Miss your friends and colleagues," she tries to comfort her as she rubs her hand up and down Dyelfean's back. She feels Dyelfean return the hug, feels her press up against Cosima, strangled sobs leaving her that tear at the Human’s heart.

* * *

Maybe having Dyelfean on board is somewhat of a good thing, for them.

Without the Phrenarian, they might not have gotten the Rak’har to trade with them. They especially wouldn't have gotten everything they needed, and not at such reasonable costs, either. The docking operator had been pretty snappish, with them, until Dyelfean had told Captain Iswold to put her on. The speed at which the representative had changed his attitude had been, impressive. Had gone from barely granting them a dock to run a full systems analysis and no trade to inviting them to a meeting, full access to the shuttledocks and its facilities for the crew and trade for supplies.

"You enjoyed that," Cosima grins when Dyelfean and her take a stroll along one of the promenades at the shuttledock.

"Maybe," Dyelfean acknowledges, "just a little bit. It feels good, to be of use," she nods, her brows dipping. She had been pretty phenomenal, in that meeting.

"You don't feel needed, on the Al-Batani?" Cosima asks, watching her carefully. Dyelfean lets out a long sigh, swinging the arm with the hand Cosima is holding as she takes another step.

"Not all the time, no," she admits. "You are their cartographer, Cosima. I'm... tagging along for the ride," she shrugs. "It is, strange. Aside from me, how many crew members are there on board, who are civilians? Two? Three?"

"Three," Cosima answers. There's T'Krell's colleague, who's hitching a ride with them to visit and study the Blight on Teplan, and two deep-space researchers that are paying a lot of latinum to be able to run some experiments every now and then. Oh, and there's also Commander Lorell's son, who is hitching a ride to... wherever his father is stationed, Cosima forgot. He's the only child on board. Well, child in relative terms, he's about to turn eighteen and as far as Cosima knows, he does want to go into Starfleet.

"See?" Dyelfean sighs. "I'm, not like you guys. Not just by looks," she shakes her head. "Even if you weren't born on Earth, you still think of it as your home. You all went to the Academy, you've all been there for years. I never have. It makes me feel... like an outsider. But here, I am welcome. More welcome than you, for a change, and I know I should not feel this way, but I am, glad," she tells Cosima.

"No, I, I get it," the brunette shakes her head. Tilts it, at the taller woman.

"You know, we could rectify that," she tells her, causing Dyelfean to frown at her in confusion. "I mean, I have a lot of leave piled up. Next time the Al-Batani goes in for maintenance, we could visit Earth. If you wanted to, of course," she quickly adds at Dyelfean's wide-eyed expression.

The blonde inclines her head as they take a few more steps in silence. The shuttledock is relatively empty. Cosima kind of likes it. Likes the design, at least. Lots of clear cut lines. No unnecessary pomp or frills. It reminds her of Starfleet in that way.

"Your parents," the Phrenarian says as she speaks again, "do they live, on Earth?"

"Uh, no," Cosima shakes her head. "No, they live in the Proxima Colony. Alpha Centauri?"

"Ah," Dyelfean nods, worrying at her lower lip.

"We can visit them, if you'd like," Cosima offers, her heart pounding in her chest. The blonde casts a glance at her, seeming uncertain as her ears keep moving, not quite sure what position to settle in.

"Would that be... Is that, something you do? Humans, I mean," she clarifies. "Do you return home, as adults?"

"Sometimes," Cosima nods. "Depends on our relationships, with our parents, but those who have good ones visit sometimes. A lot of humans actually stay within the same colonies, as their parents, you know," she tilts her head. Draws a slow breath to calm her racing heart. "We, introduce them, to our partners, too," she adds.

"Really?" Dyelfean asks, a hopeful expression crossing her face.

"Yeah," Cosima nods. "I mean, not, each and every single one, I guess," she frowns. "But when it's a serious relationship and we're close with our parents, then sure, we introduce them to each other," she explains. "It's... it's kind of, important, to us. That the people we care about get along, with each other. I'm sure you have that, as well, even if you don't know your biological parents," she shrugs.

Dyelfean purses her lips.

"Maybe," she says, inclining her head. "I do want my friends to get along with each other, and I'd want them to like you, as well," Dyelfean declares with a decisive nod.

"Yeah, it's the same for us," Cosima smiles at her.

"Have you, introduced, your parents to a lot of your, partners?" Dyelfean asks her, her ears flicking nervously. Cosima blinks at her, surprised at the quiver in the blonde's voice. The nervousness and insecurity.

"Uh, depends on what 'a lot' is," she answers. "I had a few girlfriends, back in school, and they met them, naturally. Since then... two, maybe three, if you want to count that one."

"Why wouldn't it count?" Dyelfean frowns and Cosima feels her cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

"I didn't mean to introduce them," she tells her. At the lingering confusion on Dyelfean's face, she lets out a loud sigh. "I was on shore leave, I had no idea they were on vacation at the same place. We, ran into each other. While I was kissing someone," she recounts. Watches, as Dyelfean's eyes widen, and the blonde lets out a soft chuckle.

"That must have been, awkward," she remarks and Cosima nods.

"It was," she confirms. "Thankfully, it was years ago."

At her statement, Dyelfean shifts. Pauses in her steps as she searches Cosima's face.

"What?" Cosima asks, returning her gaze. Lets her take her time, to work out what it is she wants to say.

"Are you saying this, about visiting your parents, because you feel sorry, for me?"

Cosima's eyes widen in surprise and she quickly shakes her head no.

"No," she tells her and steps closer to Dyelfean. Wraps her arms around her to hug her tightly. "You seemed, interested, so I suggested it," she shrugs self-consciously.

Sees Dyelfean search her face, ears moving a little, perking up.

"I, I kind of, want you guys to meet, actually," Cosima breathes. "I mean, if you don't want to, that's, that's totes fine. I know it's all kinds of weird, you know, our cultures being so different. But, if you think you'd be up to it, then I'd like to see them. Together. Either on Proxima, or at a station, or something like that."

"Did you grow up, in Proxima Colony?" Dyelfean asks, prompting Cosima to nod.

"Yeah," she grins at the memories. "Mostly. We spent some time in space, since they were researchers, but that was when I was little. Most of my childhood, I lived there."

"I think I would, like to see that. Experience a, Human colony, what it is like," Dyelfean declares, a soft blush coloring her cheeks.

"Then it's a deal," Cosima smiles at her, leaning up to kiss her, but to her surprise, Dyelfean pulls back slightly and shakes her head. "What?" she frowns, feeling both confused and kind of angry, too, at the rejection.

"Not, here," Dyelfean murmurs, her ears flattening against her head. "The Rak’har have a close trade with Phrenar. What I do here... it will probably get back to them."

"Oh," Cosima breathes, pulling back as she deflates. They haven’t really talked, about what it might mean, for Dyelfean and her chances of returning to her people one day. Their relationship, that is. Cosima is pretty sure that Ambassador Ass-dude- pardon, Aelduss, he won’t be thrilled, if he learns that Dyelfean is seeing her. As for the Phrenar’s general view on homosexuality, that’s still a kind of, gray area, for Cosima.

Upon first seeing two women kiss, Dyelfean had seemed surprised, but as far as Cosima could tell, the blonde had recovered pretty quickly. She seems to have none of that self-loathing or disgust she has encountered from other species with rather rigid concepts for gender and sexuality. That could be just a Dyelfean thing, the blonde is a scientist, after all, and curiosity and open-mindedness seem to be almost second nature to her. Or, and Cosima really hopes that is not the case, she is wrestling with this stuff, but keeping it to herself rather than sharing it with Cosima.

Anyways, the brunette frowns as they continue their lazy stroll, that does not tell her, how the Phrenar would react, upon finding out that Dyelfean is dating someone from another species, and another female, as well.

She hopes that any reaction whatsoever would not be negative. And if it is, then she crosses her fingers that it won’t cause any lingering issues, should Dyelfean ever wish to return to living among her own people.

* * *

"Ginger ale," the Ferengi says as he sets down the glass in front of Dyelfean. Watches, as she takes a sip and shakes his head.

"You lot won't be happy, until you have corrupted every other species," he remarks with a dark look at Cosima. Who frowns at him.

"I'm sorry, what?" the brunette gives a startled laugh as the Ferengi continues to glare at her.

"Don't listen to him," a female Starfleet officer shakes her head as she appears between Dyelfean and Cosima. "He's in a bad mood because Odo confiscated one of his shipments," she tells them and tilts her head at the Ferengi. Who lets out a huff and waves her off, busying himself with checking on the tables.

“I heard you were back,” the Lieutenant-Commander says and Cosima watches in surprise as Dyelfean stands and hugs the Trill woman.

She knows that Dyelfean enjoyed talking to Dax when they last were on Deep Space Nine. Knows that they have sent each other notes and messages while the Al-Batani was in the Gamma Quadrant, too. Apparently, she underestimated how close the two women are. It’s a startling realization. Dyelfean only regularly speaks to a handful of people on the ship outside of their work. It’s not that she’s shy necessarily, but a kind of, reserved person by nature and nurture, and she’s been finding it difficult, to build relationships with the other crewmen. It seems like she’s getting along rather well with Dax, though.

“We’re not staying long, I think,” Dyelfean tells her, her ears drooping slightly, before she perks up again. “Cosima has asked for shore leave, while the Al-Batani goes into dock. There’s a transport to Alpha Centauri in three days.”

“I know, I saw the logs,” Dax grins, shaking Cosima’s hand in greeting, before she turns her attention back to Dyelfean.

“You know, I just remembered,” Cosima pipes up, “I have a report I owe the Captain, and I should really get to working on that,” she says. Sees Dyelfean frown at her in confusion.

“Oh,” the Phrenarian mutters, getting up from her perch on one of the barstools at Quark’s. “I’m sorry, I’ll-”

“No,” Cosima quickly says and holds out her hands. “No, it’s nothing to do with you,” she shakes her head. And catches Dax’s eye as the brunette Trill tries to hide her amusement, clearly having realized what Cosima is doing. “I feel, so horrid, about forgetting about it,” she lies, “you should stay. Enjoy your night off.”

“Are you sure?” Dyelfean asks, looking between Cosima and Dax, clearly torn.

“Cosima could perhaps use some quiet, as she works?” Dax suggests and Cosima nods quickly.

“Yes,” she finds herself saying. “I mean, the less distractions, the, faster I finish, right? And I really want to, get this done, before we leave for Proxima,” she adds.

The Phrenarian searches her face, her brows dipping, before she lets out a sigh and nods.

“Alright,” she agrees. “Promise you will let me know, if you need help?”

“Always,” Cosima nods and leans in to peck her cheek before waving at Dax and leaving the two women at Quark’s, to catch up with each other.

There is no report, and she’s pretty sure that Dax realized it. She just hopes that she won’t tell Dyelfean. The blonde had seemed so happy and excited about seeing her friend again, Cosima hadn’t wanted her to feel like she’d have to include her in the conversation. Not that she doesn’t think Dax is nice, as a person, but they’re not close. Have barely exchanged twenty sentences unrelated to work.

But Cosima, she wants Dyelfean to be able to have her own friends, build her own relationships with other people. If she likes Dax, than she should get to spend time with her, without Cosima intruding. Plus, she has the feeling that Dyelfean wants to talk about their upcoming trip, and about what it could mean, for their relationship. She doesn’t want her girlfriend to censor herself to spare Cosima’s feelings. She knows Dyelfean is worried, is anxious about visiting the place where Cosima grew up and her parents. It’ll help her, talking about it with someone, and she’s pretty sure that Dyelfean won’t do that as long as Cosima is around.

* * *

She’s been watching Dyelfean’s ears flick for two hours now. Besides that, the Phrenarian keeps wringing her hands and smoothing down her dress.

“Hey,” Cosima murmurs and bumps her shoulder against the other woman’s, keeping her voice low so other people on the transport won’t listen in on their conversation. “Stop fidgeting. They’ll like you, I promise.”

“What if they don’t?” Dyelfean whispers in reply, worrying at her lower lip again. “I have never met someone’s parents before. Maybe they don’t like that I’m, vegetarian. Maybe it’ll be me, not being Human. Or a, a female-”

“Okay, stopping you right there,” Cosima shakes her head resolutely and takes Dyelfean’s hands. “One, it won’t matter to my parents, that you’re female. They’ve known I’m gay for like, two decades. Trust me, they’re used to it. Also, my mom’s a vegetarian, as well. Well, pescetarian, sometimes, but there’s that. And lastly, I can assure you, if my parents had any issue with non-Human species, they wouldn’t have gone into deep space research, nor would they have the friends they do,” she tells her. Searches Dyelfean’s face, hoping she’s getting her point across. She’d kiss her, but Dyelfean doesn’t like public displays like that. The most she will allow is a hug and a quick peck on her cheeks.

“I’m scared, Cosima,” the blonde whispers, looking down, her ears drooping even further, reaching the level of emotional distress she displayed months and months ago, in that turbolift. Back when she had been so distressed and thought that she had ruined her friendship with Cosima by kissing her.

“I know,” Cosima nods and entwines her fingers with Dyelfean’s. “I get it. I’m nervous, too,” she admits. Sees Dyelfean’s head shoot up, her eyes wide.

“I want them to like you,” Cosima shrugs with a soft smile. “And I’m pretty sure they will. They definitely won’t hate you. But, bringing someone home, introducing them to your parents, that’s, a big step, for my species,” she explains. “We get nervous about that.”

“I…” Dyelfean whispers, trailing off. “I’m, sorry.”

“No need,” Cosima shakes her head with a smile. “It’s nothing you did. I love my parents, I know they love me and want me to be happy, yet here I am, really nervous about this. I’m just saying, I understand a little bit, of what you’re feeling, and, you’re not alone, alright? We’re doing this, together.”

There’s the smallest movement in the corners of Dyelfean’s mouth, a little twitch as they tug upwards for a moment.

“And now stop this, fretting, alright,” she says as she tugs gently on Dyelfean’s hands. “Come on, we’re almost in orbit, you wanted to see the colony from space,” she reminds her. “Let’s find a nice view.”

“Yes,” Dyelfean nods, giving one of Cosima’s hands a soft squeeze.

* * *

Cosima tilts her head at the board before picking up a piece.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Dyelfean cautions, prompting her to arch an eyebrow at her girlfriend. She’s sitting on the couch in the living room of Cosima’s parents’ house, watching Cosima and her father play a game of chess.

“You do realize that this is Human chess, yes?” she asks her, biting back a grin when the Phrenarian rolls her eyes.

“Yes. And if you move that piece, it will expose your queen, allowing your father to capture it with the loss of a pawn, at the most,” the Phrenarian comments with an arch of her brow.

“Hey!” Gene protests. “Not fair,” he grumbles, pointing at Dyelfean, whose eyes widen.

“He’s joking,” Cosima quickly tells her, before she gets scared of him, again. Her dad is awesome, but he has this, kind of gruff demeanor when he’s kidding that seems to set off something in Dyelfean. Plus, she thinks that the pointing thing, it means something like an insult and challenge in Phrenarian culture. Gestures and their context are still a bit of a problem, Cosima knows that. Not like, general body language, that’s easy to interpret. But stuff that has cultural significance, that requires knowledge of the race and society it stems from to be interpreted correctly, that still trips her up, sometimes, and she knows Dyelfean has the same struggles.

“Oh,” the Phrenarian breathes, relaxing a little. “I’m, sorry,” she apologizes. “I’m just…”

“Frustrated, because she simply won’t learn?” Cosima’s mother supplies with an amused twinkle in her eyes as she holds up a pitcher of iced tea. Cosima made sure to tell her, repeatedly, that Dyelfean cannot have caffeine. That their body won’t be able to process it, that it will make her sick. Still, there’s an emergency hypospray, in her luggage, courtesy of Dr Bashir. The guy has taken quite a liking, to the Phrenarian woman, one that Cosima isn’t so sure is merely born of scientific interest. Still, it had been very nice and kind of him to provide them with this. It certainly has calmed Cosima’s nerves, knowing that, if a mix up does happen, they can fix it quickly.

“Yes,” Dyelfean admits, ducking her head at Cosima’s indignant exclamation.

“You know she’s right, chicken,” her mother laughs as she tops up their glasses and sits down. Dyelfean takes a sip of her drink, closing her eyes for a moment, and Cosima makes a mental note to pick up some of that tea before they leave. She seems to really like it.

“Would you like a match, Dyelfean?” Cosima’s father asks the Phrenarian. Who swallows, hard, before slowly shaking her head no, declining.

“Thank you, but no,” she answers.

It makes Cosima tilt her head at the other woman, confused by her reluctance. Maybe she’s worried, about what would happen, if she beat her father. Cosima doesn’t doubt that she could. In comparison to her, her father is a good player, but Dyelfean managed to see what he was going for, with his move, when Cosima failed to do so.

“Cosima told us that you like puzzles,” Sally says, drawing Dyelfean’s attention.

“Yes,” the blonde nods, blushing a little. “There’s a Bajoran on Deep Space Nine who sells them from all over the quadrant. I like doing them, figuring them out…”

“I’d like to show you something,” Cosima’s mother nods and gets up, motioning for Dyelfean to follow her. The blonde casts an uncertain look at Cosima, who gives her a bright smile and gestures for her to go ahead. Sally waits for Dyelfean, and the Phrenarian seems torn, for a moment, before her curiosity gets the better of her and she follows the older woman from the room.

Her father clearing his throat makes Cosima looks at him, her brows dipping.

“She’s, quite something,” Gene comments as he goes to make his move. Cosima nods, jiggling her leg for a moment as she contemplates the board, only half paying attention.

“She is,” she agrees. Hesitates, then looks up at her father. “I really, really like her, dad,” she whispers, her cheeks heating with a blush.

“You don’t have to convince me, kiddo,” Gene laughs as he leans back in his chair. Crosses his arms over his chest as he regards her. “You wanna go back, to that ship of yours?” he asks, causing Cosima’s eyebrows to rise.

“Why wouldn’t I?” she asks. She loves the Al-Batani. Loves working there, loves the crew, and her captain. She’s always been a restless sort of person, but working in space, that’s helped, a lot. She’s managed to get something of both worlds, it seems: she’s on a ship she calls home, which is permanent, but at the same time, her home is traveling, allowing her to see all kinds of places, new and old, to explore.

Her father watches her before giving a small shrug.

“Just a thought,” he tells her. “Maybe because you’re with someone, now. It kind of made your mom and me think, maybe you were going to, settle down.”

Cosima frowns and gives a small shake of her head. As far as she is concerned, she is ‘settled down’. It’s not like she is changing posts every other month, far from it, really.

“Because you and mom did, huh,” she remarks, arching an eyebrow at her father. Who blinks at her, before letting out a bark of laughter.

“Yeah, you got me there, kiddo,” he admits, and Cosima feels her tongue poke at the back of her teeth as she grins at him. Her parents were doing deep space research, even after they got married. Even after Cosima was born. She spent the first few years of her life in space, the stars surrounding her. Maybe that’s where this is coming from. The reason for her inability to be still. All her early childhood memories, they play on different planets, different stations, the only constant the ever moving stars around them. And she’s not ready, to give those up. Not yet, anyway.

* * *

She doesn’t know how exactly she got here. ‘Here’ being in Dyelfean’s lap, Cosima straddling the Phrenarian, one leg on either side of her thighs as they kiss.

“Is this alright?” Cosima asks as she leans back a little, searching Dyelfean’s face. Removes one hand from the back of her neck in favor of gently brushing back the blonde’s hair from her face.

“Yes,” Dyelfean nods and pulls her back into another kiss that, with anyone else, Cosima would call ‘heated’. Yet she’s not sure, if the Phrenarie, if they actually feel sexual arousal. Sometimes she thinks so. Like when Dyelfean will pull her in for an intense kiss and curve her body towards Cosima. Or when she makes those low, trilling sounds that Cosima thinks may be her version of soft moans.

“Uh, listen,” Cosima murmurs and rests her forehead against Dyelfean’s. Draws a slow breath, to calm herself down a little. “This is, really nice and all, but, uh…”

Dyelfean looks at her, meets her eyes, before hers widen slightly in realization and her cheeks color.

“Oh,” she breathes softly. Tilts her head as she searches Cosima’s face. “Do you, want to stop?” she asks her.

It makes Cosima blink in surprise, before she remembers months ago, when Dyelfean and her almost had sex. Nothing like that has happened since, so she put it out of her mind, but now…

“I don’t know,” she admits, allowing a sigh to escape herself. “I, don’t want to pressure you, make you do something you don’t want, or aren’t ready for. But I am getting pretty horny, right now.”

Dyelfean watches her, ears moving.

“Would you,” the blonde starts, her voice catching. She clears her throat, the purple blush of her cheeks deepening. “We’ve talked, about masturbation,” she murmurs and leans in for a quick peck on Cosima’s lips.

“Hm,” the brunette returns, melting against the Phrenarian again. How does someone who’s so tall and seemingly all long limbs still manage to be so comfortable and soft?

“Would you, touch yourself? In front of me?”

The question makes Cosima lean back in surprise, her jaw dropping.

“What?” she breathes, taken completely by surprise and, if she’s honest, actually shocked.

“I tried to research, but… I don’t want to, hurt you, and I thought, you could show me, what you liked,” Dyelfean shrugs, her eyes big and innocent and Cosima finds herself shaking her head at the other woman.

She lets out a long sigh and reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose, freezing when something in what Dyelfean said registers with her.

“Wait a sec,” she frowns. “What do you mean, research?” she asks the blonde, whose blush deepens further.

“Please tell me you didn’t actually watch Human porn,” the brunette shakes her head. “Dyelfean!” she exclaims as the Phrenarian inclines her head.

“I just wanted to find out, what sex is for you,” she shrugs, brows furrowing. “You are from a different species, Cosima,” she reminds her. “And on top of that, we are both, female-”

“Okay, okay,” Cosima shakes her head and cradles Dyelfean’s face. “I get it, I get why you did it. Just… please don’t do it again, alright? At least not by yourself,” she shakes her head. “Believe it or not, that stuff is more about the person consuming it getting off, than really depicting pleasurable activities,” she adds.

“Oh,” Dyelfean mutters. “I’m sorry, Cosima.”

“Don’t worry,” Cosima shakes her head. “It could have been worse. You could have gone for the holonovels,” she giggles, watching as Dyelfean furiously blushes.

“Those felt like crossing a line,” the blonde shakes her head. Reaches up to stroke Cosima’s cheek and then cradles her face. “Does this,” she starts, gesturing between them, “does it, frustrate you?”

“Why would it?”

“Cosima,” Dyelfean sighs and shakes her head. “You’re Human. You’ve told me yourself that your species has sex regularly. And you don’t strike me as the kind of person who had any issues with, what do you call them? Casual hooking?”

“Hook-ups,” Cosima corrects. “Casual hook-ups,” she sighs. Bows her head and worries at her lower lip. “Okay, truthfully? If you were an allosexual Human, I’d be, getting concerned. Because we’ve been together for pretty long, and still haven’t had sex. But, you’re not Human. It’s different, for you, and I, I don’t want to push you, or make you feel like you have to do something… Us being together, it doesn’t hinge on us having sex,” she shakes her head.

Dyelfean relaxes a little at her words and wraps her arms around Cosima in a soft hug, pulling the Human against her. She relaxes against the blonde, returning the hug and kissing Dyelfean’s jaw.

“And as wonderful as this is, I need to get up,” she murmurs after a moment and slowly stands, grimacing as she takes a wobbly step and collapses onto her couch, next to Dyelfean.

“Are you alright?” the blonde asks, searching her face with concern shining in her eyes.

“I cut off my circulation,” Cosima tells her. “Feels like, pins and needles,” she shakes her head, stretching out her legs. To her surprise, she sees Dyelfean reach out and braces herself on the back of the couch, as the blonde draws Cosima’s legs in her lap and sets out to massage her thighs and calves.

Cosima lets out a pained hiss, quickly shaking her head when the touch stops.

“No, it’s fine, don’t stop,” she tells Dyelfean, who picks up her ministrations again.

“Do you think, your parents… did they like me?” the Phrenarian asks, her voice soft. Cosima watches her expression, searching her face.

“I think so, yeah,” she nods. “Why are you asking?” she inquires softly. “You get the feeling they didn’t?”

“No,” Dyelfean shakes her head slowly, her brows furrowing as her ears lower slightly in thought. “It just, it felt, strange. Like they didn’t really know, what to make of me…”

“Yeah,” Cosima sighs. “You’re the only non-Human girl I ever dated, plus they’ve never met your species before, either. If anything, they were trying really hard, to keep most of their curiosity at bay.”

It makes Dyelfean let out a low hum, her fingers moving in circles over Cosima’s calves, relaxing her muscles.

* * *

“Oh, before I forget,” Cosima mutters and holds out the PADD to Dyelfean. Who lifts her eyebrows in silent question before she accepts it, scanning the header briefly.

“That’s from your mother,” she remarks and tries to give it back, but Cosima shakes her head.

“I know, but it’s for you, not me,” the brunette tells her. It makes Dyelfean’s eyes widen in surprise as she looks down at the PADD again.

“Your mother, wrote me a letter?” she asks, her voice soft and Cosima has to force herself not to pull her into a tight hug. To act like this is not a big deal at all. It’s not, her mother likes Dyelfean, it stands to reason that the two of them might want to communicate with each other when the blonde is away.

“Looks like it,” she nods and goes back to her own mail, trying to see what Dyelfean is doing out of the corner of her eyes.

Her mom asked, if it would be alright if she wrote the Phrenarian every once in a while. It may have been after Cosima cried during a video call, because Dyelfean had been having a rough time and feeling homesick again. She finds it difficult to deal with, her girlfriend’s sadness, that is. Feels so sorry, for her, and guilty, as well. She loves her, she does, but when Dyelfean is curled up and crying, she can’t help but wonder if maybe, Cosima should break up with her. Tell her to go back, to Phrenar, to her people. That this, their relationship, it is not worth this kind of pain.

She doesn’t want Dyelfean to be miserable in order to be with her. Cosima wants her to be happy, wants her to enjoy their life together. If it pains her so much, to be away from her friends and colleagues, then being together isn’t worth it.

Yet something tells her that, even if they were to break up, Dyelfean wouldn’t go back to Phrenar. That there has been something in her connection to her own people that has been severed, that has been irrevocably destroyed. It makes her feel incredibly guilty, if Cosima is being honest. That she was the reason for this, or if not the reason, then at least the catalyst. That she, in some way, made this rift as severe and big as it is now.

Now, the blonde takes her glass of ginger ale and the PADD over to the couch and pulls her legs up before she starts reading. It’s a staple, now, the Human drink. Dyelfean likes it, and Cosima likes that she does. It always reminds her, of the first time they really hung out together, back when Dyelfean had been working with her to intregrate the Phrenarian star charts into the ships database. That time they were in the mess hall at a ridiculous hour and went through various different dishes from their cultures, trying them out and just talking, having fun.

“Cosima?” she pipes up after a couple of minutes, making the brunette jump.

“Yeah?” the Human says, looking at her and softening. She really is something, Cosima thinks. Someone wonderful, and beautiful, and unimaginably important, to her.

“Would it be alright, if I replied to her?”

“Sure,” Cosima nods, leaning back in the chair at her table. “I’m sure she’ll like hearing from you,” she smiles at Dyelfean, who returns the gesture.

“When we were talking, on Proxima Colony, she mentioned wanting to research a part of the Gamma Quadrant, but never getting to do it… Do you think, would it be alright, if I sent her some notes, of what the Phrenarie know, about the region?”

“I think she’d like that a lot,” Cosima nods. “What region are we talking about, here?”

“There’s one with what appears to be cyclical energy fluctuations. It is quite fascinating, really, when you look at it,” Dyelfean starts, her ears perking up. It makes Cosima smile, how happy she can get, talking about space. “Tiny little wormholes that keep popping up for a day or less and then disappear again. They cause small tears in the subspace, small enough that it can heal itself, but they in turn create gravitational forces strong enough to pull big ships off course and crush small spacecrafts. The Phrenarie call it the Lost Shipyard. We lost a lot of our early spacecrafts trying to map out the area,” Dyelfean shakes her head, her brows dipping.

“I’m sorry,” Cosima offers, making Dyelfean look up, a confused expression on her face, before she waves her off.

“The price you pay, for knowledge,” she shrugs. Gets up and comes to stand behind Cosima. Wraps her arms around her and rests her chin on the brunette’s head, peering down at her work.

“What are you working on?” she asks, and Cosima feels her lips in her hair, delivering a soft kiss to her head.

“The usual,” Cosima shrugs. “We received new telemetry from one of the Starfleet probes earlier, I’m going through it.”

“Would you like some help?” Dyelfean offers, making Cosima hesitate, before she shakes her head no.

“Nah,” she decides. “This can wait, until work tomorrow,” she declares and moves to stand. “Would you like a walk on the holodeck?” she asks her. “I feel like stretching my legs. Gardens of Risa?” she suggests.

“Could we go somewhere else?” Dyelfean asks, taking Cosima’s hand. “I’m not really in the mood, for tourists.”

“They’re holograms,” Cosima reminds her. “They can be turned off.”

“Oh,” Dyelfean breathes, her eyes widening. “I didn’t think of that,” she admits. “In that case, Risa sounds nice,” she adds and leans down to brush her lips over Cosima’s in a gentle caress.

* * *

Perhaps it would be a good idea. As much as Cosima's mind balked at it initially.

She wants Dyelfean to be happy. To build her own life. But so far it feels like she's been making Cosima the center of her new life, and it just, it feels, wrong.

She's pretty sure that this was Dax's idea. The Trill was the one who broke the news, to Dyelfean, as well. That Deep Space Nine would like to hire her. Have her knowledge of the Gamma quadrant and its species and their relationships at their disposal. She'd be making good money, in exchange for her knowledge. Would get quarters and food for free, as well.

She doesn't want to say it, but Cosima thinks that, Dyelfean, she should take the offer. Should join the DS9 crew. They're nice enough, and Dyelfean does enjoy being on the station, too. She loves Bajor and has been reading pretty much anything on Bajoran culture and history she can manage to get her hands on, as well.

And it may help, with her homesickness. She could have her own place, somewhere that is, stationary. The Al-Batani is constantly moving around, it's is a ship, after all. But Deep Space Nine, it's a station. Something that is anchored. If Dyelfean decides to stay there, she won't have to wake up at different parts of the galaxy every day any longer.

Of course, that leaves their relationship kind of, up in the air. Cosima doesn't want to leave the Al-Batani, she loves the ship, it's her home, the crew is her family. She enjoys her work immensely and that they are always moving around, that just keeps things interesting, for her. She's not ready to, settle down, not yet. Not in the way that Dyelfean seems to want to, seems to yearn for.

She gets it. Stability is important. And even though Dyelfean once told her that she preferred open space to her home planet, that was when she was still living amongst other Prenarie. Now she doesn't. She's trying to fit into a different society and Cosima hates seeing her struggle sometimes. She thinks an, anchor, like Deep Space Nine, it would be good, for Dyelfean. To figure out where she wants this new life of hers to go.

Plus, it will, put some distance, between them. Cosima doesn't want to break up with the Phrenarian, but she wants Dyelfean to know that it's an option, if she finds herself unhappy with her. Or for any other reason, really. She doesn't have to be with Cosima if she doesn't want to, and there's been a lingering worry about this, in Cosima's mind. That the only reason Dyelfean is with her, is because she doesn't feel like she has any other choice. That, during the early days, things got too confusing and too tangled-up and they misinterpreted each other's feelings and intentions and now Dyelfean feels, stuck, with her.

She doesn't want that. She wants the Phrenarian to wholeheartedly chose her. Not for a lack of options, or a twisted sense of gratitude.

Which is why she takes a sip of her wine before setting down the glass and putting down her napkin. She watches Dyelfean push around some steamed vegetables on her plate, the blonde's brows drawn in deep thought.

"I think you should take it," she says. Dyelfean tenses before looking up. Searches Cosima's face, a confused expression crossing her own.

Cosima meets her gaze. Tries to smile, tries to project confidence and reassurance.

"I mean, you like the station, right?" she asks and reaches for her glass again. Dyelfean draws a deep breath and puts down her fork before leaning back in her chair.

"Yes," she confirms. "It is, nice. The people seem friendly. It's not a Starfleet station, it belongs to the Bajorans and they don't treat it as a military outpost,” she says, tilting her head slightly. Cosima watches as she runs her fingers over her napkin, the blonde’s ears drooping again.

“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” she asks her.

The blonde lets out a soft sigh.

“A lot,” she answers vaguely. Pulls her lower lip between her teeth and worries at it. Cosima wonders, where she picked up that habit. She didn’t use to have that, when they first met. So she must have seen someone on board the ship do it and picked it up, probably subconsciously. It is a strange sight, Dyelfean exposing her canines.

“Like what?” she presses.

“Like,” the Phrenarian starts, shrugging. “Like, I have never lived, on a station like Deep Space Nine. It is a curious mix of military and civilian, and I am not sure if I would be able to adapt to that, in the long term.”

“Okay,” Cosima nods. “What else?”

“Us,” Dyelfean says, surprising the brunette. She would have thought that the blonde would shy away from the topic for a while. That she would make Cosima ask about it directly, before she was willing to bring it up.

“Okay, what about us?”

“Cosima,” Dyelfean sighs and rubs the back of her neck. “I love you. I have practically lived with you for a year. We are around each other all the time. If I take this offer, we won’t be seeing each other as much. Would have to go weeks, months at times, without being able to touch, to kiss.”

“And you like kissing a lot,” Cosima grins at her. Watches, as Dyelfean’s eyes narrow briefly and the grin slides off her face. Not the time for jokes, okay. “Sorry,” she apologizes for the quip. “Can I, tell you, what I think about you and me, us, in this context?”

“Please,” Dyelfean nods, leaning forward to touch her hand. Cosima lets her take it and brushes her finger over Dyelfean’s knuckles, hoping to reassure her.

“I think, that it will be really hard, at first. It’ll suck, and I will hate it,” she admits with a sigh. “But, I also think that that’s, important,” she continues when Dyelfean’s ears lower. “I’d worry, if the prospect of my partner living away from me did not scare me or make me feel sad,” she tries to explain.

The blonde shifts in her seat, her brows drawing together.

“Do you think we will still be with each other, if I live on DS9?” she asks after a moment.

“It’s not a reason for me to want to break up, no,” Cosima shakes her head. “I can’t make predictions, for the future. But I can tell you what I feel right now,” she says. “I love you. I want to be with you. I want you, to be happy, and I don’t think that this ship is the place where you will be the most happy. I think you will enjoy the station, the change of pace. So, if we have to move this, to a long distance relationship kind of thing, for a while, then I’m fine with that.”

She watches as the Phrenarian frowns down at her food, before giving a slow shake of her head. She pulls back her hand, putting it in her lap and staring down at it.

“I, I can’t make this decision, right now,” she murmurs. Cosima swallows thickly and inclines her head.

“Okay,” she nods. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore, if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you,” Dyelfean nods, glancing at her with a reluctant smile. “Can we just, switch topics?” she asks.

“Definitely,” Cosima agrees with a smile. “I actually finished that novel you told me about?”

“You did?” the blonde murmurs, and Cosima nods.

“Yeah,” she confirms, tilting her head in thought. “It, wasn’t bad, but I think it’s a little too similar to Klingon literature for me to enjoy it.”

“I have never read a Klingon novel,” the Phrenarian replies with a thoughtful expression.

“They’re not my taste, but if you liked this one, you might enjoy their literature, as well?” Cosima muses. “We can check the computer, for well known and representative pieces, if you want to?”

“I think that might be nice,” Dyelfean nods, her lips tugging into a hesitant smile. “Thank you, Cosima.”

“Anytime,” the brunette smiles at her before trying to go back to her meal and ignoring the way her heart stutters at the thought that Dyelfean might be leaving the Al-Batani and her soon.

* * *

Cosima reaches up and pulls the towel from her head, rubbing it over her still wet hair.

On her screen, Dyelfean tilts her head, her nose crinkling adorably.

“If you rather I call again later-”

“No!” the brunette exclaims. “No, please, stay on,” she shakes her head. “I just, I had to wash my hair,” she adds. “The rain on that planet smelled awful, and it’s been stuck to my skin and in my hair. I recycled my clothes already,” she tells the blonde.

“Ah,” Dyelfean nods. Leans back on her backless couch and Cosima watches as she pulls up a leg. Cosima watches her wrap her arms around her folded leg and rests her chin on her knee.

“You look,” Cosima starts, swallowing. “Tired,” she finally says. Isn’t sure, if it’s a bad kind of tired, or a good one. There is a difference, of being too exhausted to function, of being just completely done, and the kind of tired you can feel after a good day at work.

“Hm,” Dyelfean hums and rubs a hand over her face. “I stayed up too late,” she admits. “I wanted to finish my report for Kira, and Dax asked me to help her with a pr- something,” she quickly catches herself. Cosima blinks at her before she starts grinning.

“Have you been roped into one of Dax’s pranks?” she asks and watched Dyelfean blush furiously. “Naughty!” Cosima exclaims, resisting the urge to clap her hands in delight.

“Cosima!” the Phrenarian stares at her. “Why are you so, gleeful, about this?”

“Because it’s you!” the Human answers immediately. “No offense, but you’re kind of… straight-laced, yeah?” she says as she tilts her head. “In all the time I have known you, you’ve been so, serious. Of course you laugh, you even make jokes sometimes, but… this is, different,” she continues, her brows furrowing a little. “Pranks are, cultural.”

“Yes,” Dyelfean nods. “It is not my prank, Cosima,” she says, searching Cosima’s face. “Jadzia, she wants to get back at Doctor Bashir for something, I am not entirely sure what.”

“And she needs you to help her do it?”

“He knows she is planning something,” Dyelfean nods. “But he would not suspect me of helping her. Because I am so, laced.”

“Straight laced,” Cosima corrects. “It means, a little, uptight. Focused, not really one who is down for goofing off, joking around.”

“Ah,” Dyelfean nods. Hesitates, and Cosima watches her frown at her nails for a moment. “Do you think… if I do this, do you think I will ruin my relationship with Doctor Bashir?”

Cosima tilts her head.

“There’s is always the risk of that, when you prank someone,” she nods. “But, Dax knows him, right? They’re friends, so she’d know, how far she can take this, how far she can push him before he gets too upset,” she adds, searching Dyelfean’s face. “You know that you can back out, right?” she asks.

“Yes,” Dyelfean nods, her lips tugging into a soft smile. It makes Cosima relax, the sign of that small smile. Because it is beautiful, of course, but it’s more than that. It’s a sign that Dyelfean is comfortable. That she is relaxed and certain.

“Good,” Cosima nods. “If you’re worried about going too far, you can tell her. I’m sure that either Dax will be able to reassure you, or if your concern is valid, listen to you.”

Dyelfean inclines her head, looking away for a moment.

“I really like her, Cosima.”

The words make her heart constrict before it starts hammering in her chest.

_Oh no._

Dax is an attractive woman. She’s tall, taller than Cosima. Closer to Dyelfean’s own height. She’s nice, charming. Has an incredible mind, and 300 years of experience living as both male and female. She’s brunette, too, and Cosima has the sneaking suspicion that, while gender does not seem to be important to the Trill symbionts, Jadzia Dax is mostly interested in other women, or female presenting individuals. Individuals like Dyelfean.

“That’s, that’s nice,” she stammers and swallows, hard, her dry throat hurting at the motion.

Something in her voice makes Dyelfean’s head snap back. Cosima watches as her brows dip in confusion, ears flicking around as she tries to puzzle out where the change in the Human’s mood came from. And then her eyes widen almost comically, and Dyelfean begins to shake her head.

“No!” she exclaims. “No, Cosima, I, no,” she stammers, reaching out to touch the screen of her computer. “I like her, as a friend,” she ammends. “Nothing more.”

“Look,” she starts and draws a slow breath, allowing her eyes to close, for a moment. “It’s, it’s okay. I mean, I’m not, not blind. She’s very pretty, Dyelfean.”

“She is,” the Phrenarian agrees, a soft blush coloring her cheeks. It’s adorable, or at least Cosima would find it adorable, if it weren’t for the current heaviness of her heart.

“If you… if you want to, branch out. See other people-”

“Cosima,” Dyelfean cuts her off, her voice gentle. “I do not want to see anyone romantically, besides you.”

“But you are attracted to Dax,” Cosima insists. Watches, as Dyelfean’s mouth opens, but the Phrenarian remains silent. Furrows her brows and looks away, her ears tilting up and down, as if she’s having a silent conversation with herself.

“Yes,” she finally says, turning to Cosima again. “But, Cosima, she is not the only one. I find Captain Iswold attractive, as well.”

The brunette feels her eyes widen in surprise.

“You do?”

“Yes,” the blonde confirms. “She is very pleasing, to look at.”

“You never said…” Cosima trails off, letting out a soft huff.

“It does not matter,” Dyelfean shakes her head. “I do not want to be with them. I appreciate Captain Iswold’s leadership and what she has done for me. And I very much value Jadzia’s friendship,” she continues. “But I want to share my life, all of it, all its aspects, with you. Only you, Cosima.”

It makes her look down at her hands, which are fidgeting with the towel in her lap. Cosima draws a slow breath and lets it out, frowning into her lap.

“I… I never had this, before,” Dyelfean’s voice reaches her. “I have never been with someone like this, Cosima. I don’t mean this, distance thing. I mean what we had before. How we lived together. It felt, incredible,” she breathes and Cosima looks up. Finds, to her surprise, tears in Dyelfean’s eyes. “I don’t think I could have that with anyone else, Cosima.”

“Do you,” she starts, but has to clear her throat, because her voice catches and then goes out. “I mean, Phrenarians. Do they, in general, have relationships like that?”

“Yes,” Dyelfean nods and inclines her head a little, something like shame washing over her face. “But I never… I never wanted to have it. With anyone. Not before I met you. When we started out, it was, overwhelming, but now… I miss you, Cosima. I miss sharing my bed with you. I miss the way you grimace at my food. I miss having your arms around me. I miss just being able to touch your hand and hold it…” she trails off.

“I miss you, too,” Cosima breathes, blinking at the tears gathering in her own eyes.

She thought this would be easier. And it is, at times. There’s times when she forgets about Dyelfean being lightyears away from her. When she’s so focused on her work and nothing exists outside of star charts and course plotings. But there are times, too, when it is so hard. When Cosima turns around, her mouth already open, to tell Dyelfean some tidbit about the space they are going into, and finds herself alone in Astrometrics. Times when she falls into bed and reaches out to take Dyelfean’s hand and only encounters cold sheets. Times when she orders Dyelfean’s breakfast smoothie thing, only half-awake in the morning, and only realizes that the Phrenarian is gone when she turns back from the replicator and finds herself alone in her quarters.

Dyelfean lets out one of her trills, an almost delighted sound, and Cosima wishes so much that she could touch her, right now. That she could just reach out and wrap her arm around the Phrenarian and hug her close. Kiss her, kiss her lips and the bridge of her nose, and her forehead. Shower kisses all over her face and just hug her and fall asleep in her arms. She misses it, misses her so much, it feels like a physical ache.

The blonde tilts her head a little, a thoughtful expression crossing her features.

“Would it, be easier, for you… Let me check something really quick,” she says and Cosima stares, in surprise, as the call is disconnected.

“What the hell,” she mutters, fingers twisting into the fabric of her towel, before she chugs it across the room as anger burns in her veins. The brunette gets up, pacing her quarters, fists clenching at her sides.

This, isn’t new. The way her emotions can sometimes change rapidly. Especially when she feels vulnerable, she knows she can be easy to suddenly lash out, to grow angry and say something that hurts whoever is currently making her feel bad.

Her computer chimes with the sound of a waiting video call and she glares at the device. She’s tempted to let it go unanswered, but then again, she doesn’t know when the next time she’ll be able to have a call with Dyelfean will be. They have been mostly reduced to writing letters, and while Cosima enjoys reading Dyelfean’s words, it is something entirely different, to be able to see her and hear her voice.

So she stalks back to her couch and sits down. Draws a deep breath and accepts the call. In time to see Dyelfean’s ears move up, from the ‘emotional distress’ position.

“Don’t do that again,” she presses out between her clenched teeth. The blonde’s eyes widen and Cosima lifts her hand to hide her mouth.

“Sorry,” she apologizes and takes a calming breath. “I didn’t mean for it to be so aggressive.”

The Phrenarian watches her, eyes still a little uncertain, still looking alarmed.

“I’m angry,” Cosima tells her, lowering her hand again. “You just ended the call-”

“I wanted to check in with Dax, before I said something she didn’t want anyone else to know,” Dyelfean cuts her off with an explanation. “I’m sorry, Cosima, I didn’t think… I should have told you I would be back, I’m really sorry,” she apologizes, her voice soft.

It makes her relax a little and Cosima draws a deep breath.

“Okay,” she nods. “I’m still, peeved,” she lets her know. “But I’m also glad you called back,” she adds with a soft smile and watches as Dyelfean’s face lights up a little.

“So, what was so important you had to check in with Dax?” she asks with a tilt of her head.

The blonde opens her mouth, before hesitating briefly.

“She is, seeing someone,” Dyelfean finally says. It makes Cosima’s eyes widen in surprise.

“What?” she breathes, surprised by the sheer amount of relief those words bring, especially because Dyelfean is nodding.

“Yes,” the Phrenarian confirms. “I know who, she’s told me about it, but they are… they do not want people to know, just yet. It is still, new,” she tilts her head.

“Is that…”

“Yeah, that’s not that uncommon,” Cosima confirms. “Relationships can be complicated, and changing dynamics between two people can affect a station’s or a ship’s crew. It doesn’t surprise me that she wants to keep it to herself, for the time being, especially if the person she’s seeing is another officer.”

“They are,” Dyelfean nods.

“It’s great she told you who it is. Seems like she really trusts you,” Cosima tells her and watches Dyelfean smile.

“Yes, I have thanked her for trusting me with it,” the blonde nods. “She’s very…” the Phrenarian starts, pausing, a word leaving her that Cosima isn’t sure she ever heard before.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I don’t know the Standard for it,” the blonde shakes her head in frustration. “It is… It means, being very soft and vulnerable, but also excited about being it?” she frowns. “It is not a bad feeling.”

“Ah,” Cosima nods. “Yeah, I, I get what you mean. I know the feeling. When your heart is kind of, bursting with love, and you want everyone to know, but at the same time, you want to keep it to yourself, because it is still to brand new and precious…” she trails off with a sigh.

“Exactly,” Dyelfean nods enthusiastically, curls bouncing with the motion of her head. “I am happy, for her, but at the same time, I feel, sad, as well,” she admits as she lowers her head a little. “She gets to be with, her person, and I don’t,” she sighs.

“I know, it sucks,” Cosima sighs and reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know when we’ll be in dock again,” she mumbles. That’s, not making things any easier. Not knowing when the Al-Batani will go in for maintenance or quick repairs, and, when they do, where it will be. Right now, the closest place is Deep Space Nine, but that could easily change.

“Let me know as soon as you know,” Dyelfean murmurs. “I will try to meet you, should you not dock at the station.”

Cosima draws a deep breath.

“I would love that. Very, very much so.”

“We’ll make it work, Cosima,” Dyelfean tells her as the blonde gives a decisive nod. “This is, just the transition period. We’ll figure things out, and we’ll be stronger for it.”

She sounds so sure of it. So convinced and determined, that she will be right. They’ll figure it out, their relationship will survive this. More than that, it will grow stronger because of it, will blossom.

The brunette isn’t entirely certain if she agrees with the Phrenarian. If she shares her optimism about the chances for their relationship. But dammit, she is going to try. She’ll fight for this, fight for them. Fight to make this relationship work. She refuses to give up just yet.

* * *

Dyelfean’s face lights up in a brilliant smile and Cosima feels her own lips tug into a proud grin. It’s so good, to see her again. To be in the same room as her, to feel the blonde’s body against hers, her hand brushing Cosima’s.

“How’s this work?” Kira asks, reaching for one of the boxes on the table at Quark’s.

“Upon opening the container, a timer is activated inside the puzzle,” the Phrenarian explains, sliding open the top of one of the boxes and pulling out what looks like a weirdly shaped cube, with buttons and knobs on the sides. Cosima has seen it before. Well, not exactly this version, but its predecessors, the different iterations and prototypes Dyelfean and Lelan went through as they constructed their own puzzle.

“The buttons turn the lights on and off,” Lelan, the Bajoran that sells the puzzles on the Promenade, explains. “The knobs turn the intensity up and down, or change the color. Your goal, is to find the pattern of lights, that opens the cube,” he continues.

“When you do, you tell the computer who you are, and place the puzzle in the nearest replicator. It will log the time that has elapsed between you beginning the puzzle, and successfully completing it.”

“And the reward is…?” Kira inquires, arching a brow.

“The fun, Major,” Lelan answers and Cosima lets out a soft laugh at the huff the Bajoran woman lets out.

“And the opportunity of helping us design the next puzzle,” Dyelfean continues.

“Hm,” the Major hums before shaking her head. “I think I will pass,” she declares.

“Too bad,” Dyelfean inclines her head in acceptance. Cosima knows she hadn’t really expected anything different from the Bajoran officer, but still, it is kind of a blow. She did spend a lot of time, working on this, designing it, making it. Her and Lelan both did, and to brush them off like this, it is just a little rude. Then again, Kira isn’t known for her enjoyment of toys and puzzles, so it is not a personal affront, but more of a general thing.

“You really think designing another puzzle is going to lure people in?” Bashir frowns, tapping at the buttons on the puzzle that Lelan showed them. It has been deactivated, nothing happens as he does. The man’s brows dip as he tilts his head at the thing.

“Yes,” Lelan answers immediately. “We did not do this to make any money. The reward of a puzzle, is to know its solution,” he declares, puffing out his chest a little. It makes Cosima laugh softly. She’s spoken to him, before, when she was buying puzzles from him, for Dyelfean. Now that she lives at the station herself, Dyelfean and the man have struck up an interesting sort of friendship, born out of their shared interest in puzzles and contraptions.

“Right,” Cosima nods and pads her pockets. “How much?” she asks.

“Nothing, for you,” Dyelfean tells her. Cosima’s eyes widen in surprise, but then the Phrenarian’s ears droop just a little, and she knows that there will be a catch.. “But you won’t be able to enter. I am sorry, Cosima,” she apologizes as she sees the Human’s face fall.

“Come on,” she whines, drawing a chuckle from Kira.

“If you win, people will think that you were given the solution, or at least received my help,” Dyelfean explains.

“Right,” Cosima sighs, realizing that she’s right. If she won, and Cosima very much doubts that she is an actual contender for the first place in this, people would definitely question the legitimacy of her win. The blonde holds out a box for her, anyway, searching Cosima’s face.

“You can still try it, if you want,” she offers. “I really am sorry, Cosima-”

“It’s fine,” the brunette waves her off and accepts the container. “But you will have to watch me puzzle over this tonight. And you won’t give me one hint!” she adds, delighted at the soft laugh Dyelfean lets out.

It’s good to see her like this. To know that she is having fun and fitting in here, at the station. In the two hours since the Al-Batani docked and Cosima set foot on the station, she has seen Dyelfean be greeted by various people on the Promenade. Some merely nodded at her, others actually approached and asked who Cosima was. One or two knew her name already, and Cosima made note of their faces, their names. If there are people that Dyelfean talks to and shares her relationship with Cosima with willingly, she figures she’ll have to find out who they are and make an invested effort to keep up with what is going on in their lives, as well.

Dyelfean, for all she spoke about the plans Lelan and her had, for this little competition, she never let her in on how exactly the things they designed worked. She never operated them in front of her, or gave her any hints. It made the brunette curious, and now she wants to do this. Wants to figure out, what the solution to this thing is.

Plus, it will drive the Phrenarian crazy. Having to watch as Cosima plays around with the thing. She’s not good, at puzzles. Not nearly half as good as Dyelfean, and the blonde has a tendency to find it kind of annoying, when she struggles with answers that are so obvious to her.

Dyelfean nods at Lelan and excuses herself from the small group, leaving her partner to explain the concept of their competition and sell the puzzles as she steers Cosima towards the narrow stairs at Quark’s.

“I asked for a table,” Dyelfean tells her, nodding to the second level. “Or, if you rather go to the Replimat, or the Klingon restaurant-”

“No, I’m good,” Cosima shakes her head. “I mean, Klingon food isn’t really to my taste, and I have never been to the Replimat before. But we know Quark’s, and I know I’ll find something to eat here.”

“The Replimat has Human food,” Dyelfean still tells her. “It has more light, less noise. I thought, perhaps if you wanted to rest-”

“Dyelfean,” Cosima cuts her off and takes the Phrenarian’s hand. “I’m fine. If I was too tired, I’d be telling you. Now, excuse me, I believe my girlfriend made dinner reservations for us. I’d like to see our table, please,” she tells her with a teasing lilt to her voice and watches as Dyelfean completely lights up.

“Very well, my love,” she smiles and pulls Cosima along.

Once they are seated and have order both drinks and food, Cosima runs her fingers over the box.

“Do you want to take it out now?” Dyelfean asks, but Cosima shakes her head.

“No,” she decides. “No, right now, I want to enjoy this moment,” she smiles and takes Dyelfean’s hand on the table. Gives it a soft squeeze, and finds her heart giving a joyful leap when the blonde returns the pressure.

“I am very happy that you are here,” she tells her. “I have missed you, Cosima.”

“I missed you, too,” she nods. Casts a glance around and then leans over, to kiss Dyelfean’s cheek. To her surprise, the blonde’s hand shoots up and grabs her uniform jacket as Cosima draws back. Holds her there, and then Dyelfean’s lips are on hers and she is actually kissing her, in public. Kisses her in front of others for the first time.

“Woah,” Cosima breathes as they part, slightly dazed and with a loopy grin on her face. Her eyes open slowly, and she finds Dyelfean’s head ducked, a furious blush blooming across the Phrenarian’s cheeks.

“Hey,” the brunette murmurs and takes her hand again, holding on tightly. “It’s okay. It’s fine, Dyelfean, I promise.”

“I should have asked you, before doing this,” she shakes her head before she looks up at Cosima, a shy smile tugging on her lips. “But I just, I have wanted to kiss you so much, since you came on board. It was all I could think about down there,” she adds, nodding towards the bar and the table where Lelan still sits, now talking to a group of Bajorans.

It makes her let out a soft laugh and Cosima shakes her head slightly.

“For that, you were doing very well down there,” she tells Dyelfean. “But I am glad you broke. Because the thought of having to sit through dinner before I get an actual kiss, that was torture,” she grins, delighted when Dyelfean leans in to brush her lips over Cosima’s again.

“No more torture,” she whispers, her breath hot against Cosima’s skin. The Phrenarian leans back a little, searching her face. “I, am still not comfortable, with doing this in public a lot. But, perhaps, every once in a while…” she trails off with a tilt of her head.

“Just let me know whenever,” Cosima nods, leaning over to rest her forehead against Dyelfean’s, feeling herself begin to finally relax after weeks and weeks without the blonde.

Deep Space Nine is not her home, but it is the place where her heart currently dwells, and right now, sitting at a table in Quark’s, Cosima feels more relaxed than she has in a long time.

* * *

“Happy Birthday.”

Cosima looks up from her PADD, surprised to see Vasnek hold out a present to her.

“How do you know-” she starts, cutting herself off as her eyes narrow at the man. Who quickly shakes his head, antennae bobbing with the motion.

“Your personal files have not been compromised,” he tells her. “Dyelfean gave this to me, with the strict instruction to present it to you with these words at precisely 0900 this morning.”

“It is 0830,” Cosima tosses back, unable to resist just the slightest bit of teasing. Watches, as Vesnek flinches. The poor guy is rather terrified, of the Phrenarian female. For whatever reason that might be, Cosima hasn’t been able to figure it out. Yet. Dyelfean swore she had not done anything to him, but Cosima is not entirely sure if that is the truth. She may have said something that made him think she would hurt him. His species is uncomfortable, with females that are notably taller than themselves, and Vasnek is rather short, to begin with.

“My shift begins in ten minutes. I tried to change it, but Chief Warner wouldn’t let me-”

“Breathe,” Cosima smiles at the poor guy and carefully lifts the gift from his outstretched hands. “I was teasing you,” she tells him. “I won’t tell Dyelfean you were half an hour early. If she asks, you dropped this off at 9 o’clock, on the dot.”

Vasnek lets out a relieved breath, his antennae drooping a little as he relaxes. “Oh, she, she also said to, invite you for dinner. And to not take your no for an answer.”

“Did she also tell you what we would be having?”

“She did,” Vasnek nods. “Pizza bites, and ginger ale. For whatever reason, she was very specific, about the manner in which they had to be served. Bowl, instead of plate.”

Warmth spreads through her at the words and Cosima closes her eyes for a moment.

“Lieutenant?”

“Sorry,” she apologizes with a quick shake of her head. “I, uh, I look forward to our dinner date, then,” she tells him. “Unless you had other plans, for tonight, in which case you are free not to sit down to eat with me.”

“Second Star Recorder Dyelfean-”

“Dyelfean is not here. I promise I will have pizza bites and ginger ale for dinner. But if you rather have something else, or not eat with me at all, you’re free, Vasnek,” she shakes her head at the poor guy.

He looks torn, for a moment, and shifts nervously on his feet, before he nods.

“I shall join you, for dinner,” he declares. “But if it is all the same to you, I would prefer my usual food choice.”

“Of course,” Cosima nods with a smile. “I look forward to seeing you later, then,” she tells him and the man inclines his head, before hurrying off. Probably to change his uniform before his shift begins. Judging from his face, the poor guy was sweating up a storm, he probably soaked through his undershirt.

Cosima shakes her head in amusement and runs her fingers over the present, the bow in that strange, twisting color that reminds Cosima of Dyelfean’s eyes.

Phrenarians do not celebrate their birthdays. Most of them do not know when they were born, given that they are placed in the hands of professional carers pretty much from their first breath on. As far as Cosima knows, the biological parents legally have two days, to surrender their children, but most only take a few hours. A brief look, a quick hug, that’s it, then they’re off. It makes no sense, to her. How someone would give up their children, after going through a year of pregnancy. Children are revered by the Phrenarians, just not the concept of parenthood. They are placed with professionals to raise them, people who have gone through a rigorous selection process and education. They are treated with a lot of respect, the Carers.

It was strange. Cosima’s first birthday, Dyelfean hadn’t understood any of it. The traditions that come, with Human birthdays. The presents and the cake and blowing out candles to make a wish. And not being able to share that wish, out of fear that it might prevent it, from coming true. The blonde had huffed at that, and Cosima had admitted that she kind of agrees with her. It feels a lot like superstition, to her, feels kind of ridiculous. Still, she’s never risked it, never told anyone what happened to be her wishes.

She figured that, since it is such a strange tradition, so far from anything Dyelfean’s own species celebrates, in relation to their own lives, that the Phrenarian would not do anything, for Cosima’s birthday. She’d figured she’d be lucky, if she got an extra message, an extra letter.

Instead of not celebrating Cosima’s birthday, the blonde actually arranged for someone else to deliver her present to the brunette. The last time they were at DS9 was, almost three months ago. Dyelfean must have already had the present then, must have planned for Cosima’s birthday well in advance.

The thought makes tears well up in her eyes. The knowledge, that her girlfriend cares so much about her that she will make elaborate arrangements to make sure her birthday is honored, even if celebrating the day does not make sense to her, culturally speaking.

Cosima draws a shaky breath and finishes her morning coffee, before she grabs the present and heads back to her quarters. She took the day off, figuring that she’d like some time, to herself. Plus, her parents will probably try to call, and she wanted to be able to answer when they did.

In her quarters, she sits down at the table and takes a deep breath, before undoing the bow and then carefully lifting the lid off her present.

Inside it a picture frame, holding a holoimage, of her and Dyelfean. Cosima finds herself swallowing, hard, and gently lifts it from the box. Hugs it against her chest for a moment, before she pulls it back and gently traces over Dyelfean’s smiling features.

She stands, looking for a good place to display it. Finally settles on just plopping it on the table, where she will see it the most. She sits there, when she works (or at least most of the time), and when she has dinner.

Cosima gives a curt nod before grabbing the box to recycle it, surprised at seeing an envelope inside. She frowns and sets the box down, very carefully picking up the envelope inside. On it is her name, written in some very artistic script. She carefully turns it around, relieved so see that the flap is only put inside and not glued shut. She would have hated having to destroy the envelope.

Inside, she finds sheets of actual, real paper. All of them have a handmade feel to them, and a little brand sits in the lower right corner, one that looks vaguely familiar. It takes her several moments to realize that they are the symbol for Bajor.

She gives a small shake of her head, her eyes scanning over the slightly slanted, just a tiny bit uneven script as she begins to read.

> _My dearest Cosima,_
> 
> _I apologize for not using the Earthen cursive script, but I figured that it would be much easier for you to read my letter if I stuck to the Standard alphabet._

Dyelfean’s words make her laugh softly as Cosima carries the letter to the couch and sinks down onto it.

> _I purchased the paper from a monastery on Bajor. The location came highly recommended through Major Kira, who has been more than patient when it comes to answering my questions about the Prophets. I think, though, she grew tired of my constant inquiries, and since the Vedek on board the station does not appreciate my overwhelming curiosity, she told me to visit the monastery and ask the Vedek there. The man has been very welcoming and happy to indulge me._

That does sound like her girlfriend, Cosima thinks as she kicks off her shoes and lies back, one arm going behind her head to prop herself up a little. She has been fascinated with the Bajoran faith, had been since she first encountered it. But slowly, Cosima is starting to think that this is more than just scientific curiosity that is driving the Phrenarian. Dyelfean seems to find something in the Bajoran texts, in their prophecies and religious traditions, that Cosima is not able to see herself. She knows she has visited the Bajoran temple on board the station a few times, has been invited to pray with Major Kira, as well. If she were to make a guess, Cosima thinks it will be another three months, maybe less, before Dyelfean manages to work up the courage to tell her she wants to convert. If there is such a thing as converting, when you had no religion to begin with. Phrenar does have a few ancient texts, but most people nowadays regard them as unimportant, inconsequential ramblings of eras past.

Cosima thinks her girlfriend could have chosen a lot worse. Bajor and its people are peaceful, the Prophets they worship condemn violence and killing. If Dyelfean feels at home with them, if this is really something she wishes to pursue, Cosima will wholeheartedly support her. Though, given her girlfriend’s anatomy, the traditional earring could be an issue, Cosima muses, before she continues reading.

> _I did not understand the significance of a Birthday a year ago,_ the Phrenarian’s words continue. _To me it seemed a strange thing to celebrate, especially since it is not your accomplishment, but that of your mother, who delivered you safely into this world. To mark the occasion every year seemed strange and excessive, to me. Time’s passage can be marked much more efficiently, one does not need to throw a party, wear a silly hat, and play with fire to do so._

At that, Cosima lets out a bark of laughter. Yeah, Dyelfean had been pretty horrified, at the tradition of birthday candles on a cake. Lighting them on fire on a spaceshit had seemed like the stupidest thing possible.

> _Now, it has been a year since you have introduced me to this strange tradition of you Humans, and I have to admit, I do view it differently now. Today, Cosima, my love, my starlight, marks another year of the universe having been blessed by your existence._

“Ah, damn,” the brunette breathes as she feels tears well up in her eyes at the words.

> _You, my love, are one of the biggest gifts I have ever received in my entire life. Two years ago, I would not have thought it possible, to be where I am now. To live among dozens of other species, to live aboard a space station, to serve under a Starfleet Captain and a Bajoran First Officer. To be so irrevocably in love with someone else, someone who is not only not from my own species, but also a female. But all these things are true now, and I could not be any happier._
> 
> _You have shown me life’s endless possibilities, Cosima. The multitude of choices that I never even dared to consider, never mind actually make._
> 
> _Cosima, you are the most amazing person I have ever had the privilege to meet. To call you my partner, my confidant, my girlfriend, is an honor that I continuously strive to be worthy of. You have a light in you, Cosima, one I do not think you are even aware of. When you enter a room, it lights up with your presence. People that have their lives touched by you, however fleetingly, are so incredibly fortunate, my love._

“Oh, now you are just ridiculous,” she sniffles as Cosima shakes her head, reaching up to wipe at the tears on her face.

> _I am deeply sorry that I cannot share today with you, but I do promise that I will make up for it, the next time we see each other. In the meantime, I do hope that the holoimage will help you feel a little less alone in this vast universe, and be a reminder of my constant love for you. I have the same image on my dresser, so your brilliant smile can be what I wake up to, even if the lack of your physical presence leaves an ache in my chest I do not believe can ever be relieved, without your touch._
> 
> _Cosima, I love you. I have loved you, I love you, and I will always love you. You are the light of my universe, the center around which my life revolves._
> 
> _In deepest devotion, with all my heart and soul,_
> 
> _Dyelfean_

“You’re so over-the-top,” the Human husks, dropping the letter onto her stomach and hiding her hands as she starts crying in earnest.

She loves her. She loves her so much, and after that letter, she just wants to hug Dyelfean and kiss her and ask her to marry her, so she can forever be hers and they won’t ever be apart, ever again.

* * *

Dyelfean’s arms are around her, holding her. Her body shielding Cosima, the Phrenarian laying on top of her, in Dyelfean’s bed.

The brunette lets out a soft breath and tilts her head. Gently brushes her lips over Dyelfean’s forehead.

She’d cried, earlier. Cried and cried. When Cosima first stepped off the ship and onto the station, Dyelfean had been there, enveloping her in her arms. Hugging Cosima as she showered kisses on her face.

“I love you,” Cosima murmurs. Runs her hands up and down the Phrenarian’s back, hoping that Dyelfean might find it soothing.

She hears her make a soft sound and Dyelfean shifts. Leans back, searching Cosima’s face. There’s something, broken, in her eyes. It’s like part of the light went out of them. It makes Cosima shiver, the sight of those beautiful eyes with this sudden harshness, the coldness in them.

She has had a little over a day, to somehow wrap her mind around what happened. She was on the bridge, talking to their pilot, making some small adjustments to their course one moment. And the next she’d been on the floor, pain exploding inside her head, alarms blarring.

It will be war. Cosima knows it will be. And she, she’s, horrified, and angry, and broken in a way she can’t quite describe.

Dyelfean traces her fingers down her jaw, fingers trembling against her skin.

“Sh,” Cosima murmurs, reaching up to cradle her face. Gently rubs her thumbs over the blonde’s brows.

The Al-Batani is gone. They were in a convoy, heading back to DS9, when the Cardassians opened fire on them, from one moment to the next. There hadn’t been any warning, no previous contact, just the light of the phasers and then the explosions. Being in the convoy was what saved them. Without the USS Everest, they would have all died as the Al-Batani went up in flames. The Everest took down their shields for long enough to beam the survivors of the initial assault on board, exposing themselves to fire from the Cardassians. It, was bad. They lost over half of the crew of the Al-Batani. So many of her friends are gone, a lot more with their lives currently still hanging in the balance. Captain Iswold, she’s dead. She survived the Al-Batani, but the wounds she sustained when the console she had been standing at had exploded were just too extensive.

“You are hurt,” Dyelfean breathes, her fingers ghosting around the cut on Cosima’s forehead, the touch light, like butterfly wings.

“Just a scratch,” she shakes her head again. She’s told her the same thing three times, already. Yes, it hurts. It hurt a lot more, before. But Bashir gave her something for the pain and then send her on her way. There are a lot more injured, though. And a lot more serious than just a cut and a couple of bruises. They need to be stabilized and treated first. She can wait a couple of days, before getting someone to treat her with a dermal regenerator. If this leaves a scar, well, it won’t be that bad. It’s just her skin. Not her life.

Stars, she’s so, so glad, that Dyelfean was not on board. She wouldn’t have survived it, if she lost her. If something, anything, happened to the Phrenarian.

Dyelfean shudders, her body moving slightly against Cosima’s. The brunette sighs and wraps her legs around Dyelfean, pushing her closer against herself. The blonde lets out a soft breath and kisses her again. And again. And again. And Cosima can feel herself grow, antsy. Her hips move, pressing up against the blonde.

“Cosima,” Dyelfean murmurs, her voice low and raspy.

“Sorry,” she apologizes. Feels Dyelfean shift against her, move back. She holds on, for a second, before she reigns herself in. Lets the blonde go, even if it hurts, even if it makes, something, in her chest clench painfully.

To her surprise, Dyelfean only sits up. She doesn’t pull back further than that. Just sits back, and watches Cosima, for a moment. The brunette finds herself squirming, her breath hitching in her throat when she watches Dyelfean’s eyes soften again, her ears lowering.

Suddenly, Dyelfean’s lips are on hers again, and then her hands are beneath Cosima’s clothes, fingers brushing over her skin, setting her on fire.

“Ey, hey, sh,” she breathes as the desperation of the blonde hits her full force. “Dyelfean, slow down. Slow down,” she murmurs as Dyelfean pulls her up and divests her of her shirt.

“No,” the blonde whispers against her lips. “Off,” she whimpers, pulling on Cosima’s pants, and she knows she should be stopping her. They shouldn’t be doing this. It’s, it’s wrong. Yes, she understands that sex can be a coping mechanism, knows that it is not entirely rare, for people to seek physical intimacy after a near-death experience.

But she wants this to be more than just shutting up her brain. She wants her first time with Dyelfean to be, special. Wants it to be soft and gentle. She loves the Phrenarian, loves her so much, and to use her like this, it sits wrong with her, but her body sings out with need and Dyelfean is right there and offering, and she’s too weak to say no.

“Tell me,” the blonde murmurs against her lips after throwing Cosima’s pants away. “Tell me, show me, what you want, Cosima. What you need, what will make you feel good-”

“Naked,” she tells her immediately. Reaches for Dyelfean’s shirt and lifts it, intent on divesting the blonde of her clothes, as well. “I want your skin against mine,” she tells her, eyes widening in surprise when she hears that soft thrilling sound she thought was a sign of contentment in the blonde.

Once she has her in only her underwear, Cosima hesitates. Trails her fingers over the piece of stretchy fabric Dyelfean uses on her chest. She’s lost her own bra and Dyelfean is currently trailing gentle, open mouthed kisses over her skin.

“Could I,” she starts, swallowing thickly as she ghosts her fingers over the fabric. Feels Dyelfean tense, before the blonde leans back, searching Cosima’s face.

“They are, sensitive,” she whispers. Oh. That, explains the gentle caresses, the soft touches and kisses.

“I’ll be really gentle,” Cosima promises. Slowly runs her fingers over the hooks on the side, and then opens them one by one, allowing the fabric to fall away.

The sight of Dyelfean, topless, above her, makes her mouth go dry. Cosima swallows thickly and then lifts her hand. Very gently touches it to the blonde’s sternum, where she can feel the thundering heartbeat pounding in the Phrenarian’s chest.

“Cosima,” Dyelfean whispers breathlessly, her eyes closing, for a moment, before she gives a shake of her head. Leans down again, to capture Cosima’s lips in an urgent kiss.

“What do I do?” she asks, cradling her face. “Tell me, what do I do?”

The brunette swallows thickly, meeting Dyelfean’s eyes.

“Thigh,” she whimpers. “Between my legs,” she adds at the confused expression on her girlfriend’s face. Dyelfean slowly shifts. Moves up a little, her torso curling around Cosima as the brunette lets out a heavy sigh when she feels Dyelfean’s hips settle against her own, feels the pressure of Dyelfean’s thigh between her legs.

“Like this?”

“Yes,” Cosima nods, reaching up to cradle Dyelfean’s face. Slowly rolls her hips, searching the other woman’s face, looking for any signs of, distress, for discomfort or disgust. There’s none. Dyelfean’s face is flushed, the Phrenarian’s skin covered with the purple hue she gets when she blushes. Her ears are up, alert, eyes soft and searching, and her mouth is open, soft breaths leaving her.

Cosima reaches down, trailing her hands over the other woman’s back, settling them on her ass and putting some pressure there, to encourage her to move.

“Rock against me,” she whispers, nudging Dyelfean’s nose with her own, and when the blonde does, her eyes close as a moan leaves Cosima.

“Good?”

“Yeah,” she nods, licking her dry lips. “Yeah, keep doing that,” she tells her, lips tugging into a soft smile when Dyelfean drops her face to her neck, kissing the skin there.

It’s enough, for a few moments, until it is not. She knows it won’t be enough to bring her to orgasm, knows that when they are starting to move against each other already. But it feels nice, very nice, to have Dyelfean above her, to have her thigh between Cosima’s legs and her hand carefully stroking her chest.

“Cosima.”

“Hm?” she murmurs, forcing herself to open her eyes. To watch Dyelfean worry at her lower lip, for a moment, before she kisses her again.

“I, I want to, do something,” the blonde breathes, the exhale sending warm air over Cosima’s face. It feels incredible. Intimate and gentle.

She wants to say yes, wants to tell Dyelfean to do whatever, but Cosima forces herself to take a second and swallow.

“Like what?” she asks her, suddenly very aware of them being different species, and of Dyelfean’s not really having a concept, for pleasurable sex.

“I want to touch you,” the Phrenarian whispers against her ear, the hot breath coupled with the words making Cosima shiver. “Can I please touch you between your legs, Cosima?”

“Yes,” she nods, her breath hitching in her throat as the blonde’s hand snakes between them. She shifts, withdrawing her leg and Cosima lets out a low whine at the loss of contact, and then Dyelfean’s fingers are right there.

The contact makes her arch her back, a moan falling from her lips, and she swears she can feel Dyelfean smile against her clavicle.

“Like this?” she murmurs as she carefully begins stroking her, and oh, this is, this is much better, than just her thigh.

“Oh yes,” she breathes, her head tilting back as heat coils in her stomach, pools there and begins to grow. She rocks her hips into the touch, at first slowly, gently, but when Dyelfean doesn’t seem scared, or confused, Cosima increases the pace. Reaches down between them and covers Dyelfean’s hand, directing her touch.

“Inside,” she whimpers, hating how she’s suddenly so horny and needy. “I want your fingers inside.”

Wrong thing to say.

Dyelfean freezes. Tenses up, the movement of her hand stilling. Cosima blinks in surprise, her body screaming out at the sudden loss of motion, of friction.

“Hey,” she breathes and leans back. Gently tugs on the blonde’s hair, to make her lean back from her clavicle, so Cosima can meet her eyes. “What is it?” she asks her, trying to ignore the ache between her legs, the way her heart thunders in her chest.

Dyelfean swallows thickly, not quite meeting Cosima’s eyes.

“I, don’t want to hurt you,” she whispers. Cosima takes a slow breath and pulls her hand away, allowing Dyelfean to do the same thing, even though her body hates her for it, hates that she loses the contact of Dyelfean’s wonderful long fingers with her sex.

“Why do you think it would hurt me?” she asks her, keeping her voice soft. She strokes Dyelfean’s cheek and the Phrenarian tilts her head, kissing Cosima’s palm, her eyes closing. “Dyelfean?” she presses when the blonde doesn’t answer. “Is, penetration, is it, painful, for you?”

“Yes.”

Dyelfean’s voice is a broken whisper and Cosima feels tears spring to her eyes. She shakes her head and wraps her arms around the blonde, kissing her softly.

“I’m so, so sorry,” she tells her, trying not to cry at the thought of what Dyelfean must have been through, in the past. She knows she had sex with Phrenarian males, knows that she mated with them to conceive a child. It suddenly makes her angry, that someone would do that, to the blonde. Would take her, knowing that it was painful for her. Even if it’s not a general thing, pain during penetration, Cosima thinks that any guy would be able to tell, if their partner was in pain during intercourse, and to keep going-

She wants to rip Ambassador Aelduss’s face off.

He’d grown angry with Dyelfean, when she’d changed her mind after asking him to mate once. He’d hurt her, grabbed her wrist hard enough to lave a bruise on her soft skin. Knowing he did that, even though he must have known that having sex with him would pain the female… Next time she sees him, the ambassador is a dead man, Cosima vows.

“I’m sorry,” Dyelfean whispers against her skin.

“Don’t be,” Cosima shakes her head. Smoothes her hands down Dyelfean’s sides, leisurely stroking the skin there. “Just, please believe me when I tell you, I wouldn’t ask for something that I find painful.”

“Promise?” Dyelfean breathes, searching Cosima’s eyes.

“Promise,” she nods with a soft smile. “Humans with vaginas, some of us very much enjoy penetration,” she tries to explain. “Others don’t, and there are people who find it uncomfortable or painful. I don’t,” she continues. “I like it.”

“Really?” the blonde inquires, interest sparking in her eyes, and Cosima nods quickly.

“Yeah,” she confirms and captures the other woman’s lips again. “You know, what the g-spot is?”

“No,” Dyelfean shakes her head. “Tell me,” she asks, trailing kisses over Cosima’s chest again. It makes the brunette close her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. It feels good, the softness of her kisses.

“It’s a, spot,” she starts, her breath hitching when she feels Dyelfean’s tongue circle a nipple. “A small area, inside the Human vagina. Located at the front wall. Feels a little different, from the rest, kind of-” she continued, a moan leaving her as Dyelfean’s lips close around the other nipple and she gives an experimental, careful suck. Cosima reaches up and buries her hands in her curls, keeping her head there, her back arching so she is pressing into the touch. “Kind of, spongy,” she continues, her heart hammering in her throat. “It feels really, really good, when you touch it.”

“How?” Dyelfean murmurs against her skin, going back to the kisses, intersperses with occasional licks. “How do you touch it, if it’s at the front wall?”

“Curl,” Cosima sighs. “You curl your fingers. Kind of like, this,” she says and takes Dyelfean’s hand, molding her fingers in what she hopes might be a good approximation of the gesture. Dyelfean’s fingers are longer than her own, she could be off, by a bit.

“Do you want me, to touch your g-spot?” Dyelfean inquires and Cosima nods quickly.

“Yes,” she whimpers. “But only if you-”

The rest of her sentence is cut off by the sensation of Dyelfean’s hand between her legs again.

“Oh shit,” Cosima gasps in anticipation and then she feels one long finger slip inside her.

“Cosima, please look at me.”

Her eyes fly open and she stares at Dyelfean, her pulse beating at the base of her throat as Cosima swallows thickly.

“Tell me, if I’m doing this wrong,” the Phrenarian requests, her eyes searching as she slowly moves her finger, and Cosima rocks her hips, mouth falling open at the sensation. It’s been, a long time. Since someone else touched her, touched her like this.

“You, you used two,” Dyelfean murmurs, kssing Cosima’s jawline. “When you showed me, how to move my fingers, you used two,” she elaborates at the brunette’s confused look.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to add a second?”

Holy shit, this shouldn’t be nearly as hot as she finds it, Cosima thinks. But Dyelfean’s voice is so low and raspy and her hand is between her legs and her breasts are brushing against Cosima’s own, and hearing the Phrenarian ask her these questions, it is goddamn hot.

“Yeah,” she nods with a hard swallow. “Slowly,” she adds. “Add it slowly and give me a moment, to adjust, before you start to move your hand again,” she instructs. Watches as Dyelfean nods and then she’s capturing Cosima’s lips again in a soft kiss, one that is so sweet and almost innocent, if it weren’t for the way Cosima is currently humping her hand.

She does go slow. Excruciatingly slow. And honestly, Cosima isn’t sure if that’s just Dyelfean trying to make sure she does not hurt her, or if the blonde had figured out how needy Cosima is and has decided to torture her.

“Dyelfean,” she whimpers once the Phrenarian’s hand moves again and her fingers curl and Cosima clenches her eyes shut, pleasure cursing through her. Her hands find Dyelfean’s shoulders and she’s holding on for dear life.

“Yes?” the blonde whispers against her lips, and oh yeah, she is doing this on purpose, Cosima thinks, when she feels the smile against her skin.

“You are impossible,” she moan, her back arching. She’s close. Really, really close.

“Should I stop?”

“No!” the brunette exclaims, groaning as the fingers still, for a second, before they start their slow motions again. Cosima rolls her hips, teeth scraping over Dyelfean’s lower lip as she nibs at it in warning.

“Are you-”

“Almost,” Cosima sighs, her brows dipping. “I’m so close, Dyelfean.”

“You are breathtaking, Cosima,” the blonde whispers, trailing kisses over her jaw, down her neck. Licks, at the base of her throat, her fingers pressing up, and Cosima’s back arches off the bed as her vision explodes in white light and she comes with a yell of Dyelfean’s name.

* * *

She comes to to Dyelfean laying beside her, her hand stroking down her body, from the base of Cosima’s throat down over her sternum, following the line over her stomach to her belly button and dipping lower towards where her pubic hair begins, before she trails her fingertips back up, the touch feather light.

“Hello,” the blonde murmurs as Cosima blinks her eyes open. She lets out a soft sigh and leans over, to kiss her. Gently strokes Dyelfean’s cheek, meeting her eyes.

“That was, fantastic,” she tells her with a soft smile, and watches as the Phrenarian blushes prettily.

“I am glad you enjoyed it,” she nods, capturing Cosima’s lips again. When she leans back, Cosima takes the hand currently still exploring her body, and cradles it in her own.

“Cosima?” Dyelfean whispers into the silence between them as the brunette gently kisses her knuckles one by one.

“Yeah?”

When she doesn’t speak, Cosima pauses, meeting Dyelfean’s eyes. At least she tries to, because Dyelfean’s gaze is locked on her chest. The rise and fall of it as Cosima breathes.

“What is it?” she murmurs, turning onto her side as she searches the Phrenarian’s face. Dyelfean draws her lower lip between her teeth, worrying at it for a moment.

“I, am wet,” she whispers, the blush deepening, spreading to her upper chest.

“Oh,” Cosima breathes. Sits up, her eyes darting to the dark boyshorts the Phrenarian is still wearing.

“Is that… is that good?” she asks her, forcing her hands to be still, even though they itch with the urge to pull Dyelfean’s underwear off.

“It feels like it is,” the blonde murmurs, her brows dipping slightly. “I have never… I have never been so aroused, Cosima,” she breathes, taking her hand again and entwining their fingers. Cosima watches the long, slender digits flex.

“You don’t usually get that reaction?” she asks her, searching Dyelfean’s face.

The blonde shakes her head mutely, avoiding her eyes.

“Maybe that is why you find penetration so painful,” Cosima muses. “Without enough lubrication-”

“Cosima,” Dyelfean cuts her off, and there is a steel edge to her voice. One that is definitely new. Cosima’s eyes snap up again and she meets Dyelfean’s, her cheeks heating at the expression in them.

“I want to touch you,” she blurts before she can stop herself.

Dyelfean’s eyes widen in surprise and she slowly sits up. Leans in, to kiss Cosima slowly.

“I’m scared,” the blonde whispers, her voice barely audible.

“Oh.”

“I know you will not cause me pain, Cosima,” she adds quickly. “Not intentionally. But, the thought of your hands… I want it, but at the same time, I don’t?” she frowns, looking away.

“Okay,” Cosima nods, swallowing. “Okay,” she repeats softly. “What do you want?” she asks, searching Dyelfean’s face. Wonders, for a second, if the woman knows what oral sex is. Perhaps Cosima could go down on her. If Dyelfean is scared of her fingers because she could use those for penetration, maybe the prospect of using her tongue would be easier to stomach. Plus, it would have the added benefit of more lubrication-

“What we did, at the beginning,” Dyelfean says, fingers tracing idle patterns to the inside of Cosima’s knee. It is very distracting, the brunette thinks. “When my leg was between yours.”

“You want to try that?” Cosima asks, sitting up straighter, a smile curving her lips upwards at the prospect.

“Could we?” Dyelfean breathes.

“Definitely,” Cosima grins at her and moves in to capture her lips, her hands already at the blonde’s waist before she pauses. “Do you, want to keep these on?” she asks, looking between them as she rubs her thumbs over the band of Dyelfean’s underwear.

“No,” Dyelfean answers almost immediately. “I, I want to feel you. I want your skin against mine.”

“O-kay,” Cosima swallows, hard. “Just so you know, I can put something on. I mean, if you’d like for me to put on some underwear, so our parts don’t touch-”

“Do you not want them to?” the blonde asks, a hitch in her voice and Cosima sees the panic in her eyes. She quickly shakes her head no and reaches up to cradle her face.

“Oh, believe me, I want them to,” she tells her, smiling at Dyelfean. “I was just saying. If there’s something you’re not sure about, something you’d like to be different, we can totally do that. Just tell me and we’ll figure it out, yeah? Together.”

Dyelfean swallows, before she nods. Captures Cosima’s lips in a soft kiss, and then another, a sigh escaping the blonde.

“When we did it earlier, you were on your back,” she says and Cosima nods, touching her forehead to Dyelfean’s.

“Yeah,” she confirms. “It was really nice,” she sighs at the memory.

“Could I… I think I’d like to, be on top of you, again.”

“Really?” Cosima asks, a teasing lilt to her voice, before she stops herself. Dyelfean, she’s never been with another woman or female before, and this is the first time they are doing this, with each other. She doesn’t want her to feel like Cosima is making fun of her, is teasing her. She’s not, it just, it’s kind of cute. Dyelfean can be assertive, but with how insecure she’d seemed a moment ago, the image of her kind of, topping Cosima, that was a tad funny.

“We can totally do that,” she tells her, brushing the pad of her thumb over Dyelfean’s lower lip and watches as her eyes flutter shut at the contact.

“I like you, under me,” Dyelfean whispers, blushing furiously. “It makes me feel… soft.”

“Soft?” Cosima repeats gently, lips tugging into a happy smile.

“Hm,” the blonde humms. “Like you trust me. Like I did something right.”

“Hey,” Cosima breathes, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and hugging her. “You’re doing a lot of things right,” she tells her. “And I want you to know, I do trust you. With everything. My body, and my heart.”

Dyelfean shudders against her, hugging Cosima tightly before she pulls her into a heady kiss, tongue and all. It makes Cosima shudder against her and tighten her hold, a stab of longing shooting through her when she hears Dyelfean let out a soft moan.

She slowly reaches down and hooks her fingers into the waistband of Dyelfean’s underwear. Gives her a moment, before she starts pulling them down. The blonde kneels, allowing Cosima to pull the garment over her butt, and then moves back, pulling it over her legs and dropping it over the side of the bed.

She wants to look, but at the same time, she’s not entirely sure if Dyelfean would be okay with it. So she contents herself with running her hands over the blonde’s ass, holding her against herself as Cosima leans back and allows herself to fall back into the pillows again, pulling Dyelfean with her.

The blonde sighs against her lips and Cosima moves. Opens her legs and gently nudges Dyelfean’s with her knee. Waits, for her to decide if she wants this, or if she wants to stop.

It takes her a moment, but then Dyelfean lifts one leg, allowing Cosima to inserts hers between the blonde’s.

“We can stop anytime,” she reminds her, stroking Dyelfean’s cheeks as she looks into her eyes. “If you don’t like it, or want to try something else, or for whatever reason. You can tell me, alright? Tell me what you want me to do, what’s not working, what you want to try.”

“Cosima,” Dyelfean whispers, kissing her again, and then she lowers herself to her body, and Cosima pulls up her leg, so that her thigh is pressing against Dyelfean, and the brunette lets out a surprised gasp.

The blonde is soaking wet. Cosima leans back a little, searching Dyelfean’s face, both surprised and touched and just a little turned on. If this is how Dyelfean gets, without Cosima even touching her… Wow.

“Sorry,” she apologizes, withdrawing and Cosima blinks, quickly shaking her head. She takes hold of Dyelfean’s hips, holding her still for a moment.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” she murmurs. “Please, not on my account. I just… When you said you were wet, I didn’t think…” she trails off with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t do anything for you, earlier.”

“No,” Dyelfean quickly shakes her head. “No, I, I wanted it to be like that, before,” she tells her. “I wanted to make you feel good, Cosima. Don’t feel bad, please,” she pleads with her, eyes meeting Cosima’s. “To be honest, I, I’m not sure I would not have pulled back, if you had tried to pleasure me.”

Pleasure her. The words conjure an image, of Dyelfean on the bed, head thrown back as her back arches off the mattress, her long fingers buried in Cosima’s hair as the brunette goes down on her. It makes the Human swallow thickly and file away the image for a later conversation. She needs to ask Dyelfean, if she ever wants to try oral sex, because Cosima really, really wants to taste her and watch her unravel from between her legs.

“Is this alright, now?” she asks her, searching Dyelfean’s face for any hint of discomfort. The blonde swallows and nods, leaning in for another gentle kiss, before giving an experimental roll of her hips.

It makes the breath hitch in her throat and Cosima bites back a groan at the sensation of Dyelfean’s wetness moving along her thigh. She flexes the muscle and presses up a little, grinning when it tears an actual moan from the Phrenarian.

“Cosima,” the blonde whimpers, leaning forward to rest her forehead against Cosima’s. “It feels, wonderful,” she sighs.

“Yeah?” she murmurs, running her hands over her side, before sneaking one between them and gently resting it against Dyelfean’s chest. The blonde shudders, reaching between them to trap her hand.

“Too much,” she gasps, pressing down into Cosima’s thigh. “I’m, I’m really… I, think I’m close, Cosima.”

“Okay,” Cosima nods, swallowing thickly. Carefully pulls back her hand and Dyelfean lets it go, in favor of bracing herself on her elbows, pressing them closer together. Cosima feels her own hips move, jerking up into the contact, and winces.

“Sorry,” she apologizes, stroking Dyelfean’s cheeks. The blonde has screwed her eyes shut, and is trembling.

“Hey, sh,” Cosima murmurs and hugs her, hands stroking down the Phrenarian’s back. “Talk to me.”

“Feels good,” Dyelfean whimpers, and Cosima can feel her hips rocking slowly against her thigh.

“Good,” the brunette nods, brushing her lips over one eye, then the other, before she starts kissing Dyelfean’s face randomly, coming back to her lips every two or three kisses.

“Cosima,” the Phrenarian whimpers, her rocking becoming more erratic as she rides Cosima’s thigh.

“Right here, sweetheart,” she murmurs and pulls Dyelfean into a deep kiss, one that has the other woman moaning loudly. “You’re okay,” she tells her. “You’re doing really great.”

“More,” Dyelfean pleads, gasping against Cosima’s lips. “Cosima, I, I need, more. You. I, need you. Forever. I love you, Cosima.”

“You have me,” Cosima assures her as Dyelfean’s back curves and she drops her head to Cosima’s shoulder. The Human reaches up, running a hand through her blonde curls, cradling her against herself. She can feel Dyelfean’s hot breath against her skin, feels the moisture between them as the blonde starts sweating from the exertion, her wetness coating Cosima’s thigh as the Phrenarian chants her name, repeats it over and over again, as if it’s a prayer, as if Cosima is the only thing that can give her absolution, can bring her salvation.

Dyelfean’s hips begin to stutter, her rhythm faltering as she tenses, and Cosima nudges her temple with her nose.

“I’ve got you,” she whispers. “I’m here, Dyelfean. I’ve got you, you can let go. Let go, my love.”

And Dyelfean does. Her back arches and she sits up sharply, her head thrown back as she shouts Cosima’s name, hips snapping against the Human’s. She’s a vision, skin flushed and sweaty, her mouth open, chest heaving as she rides out her bliss and Cosima sits up and pulls her against herself, pulling Dyelfean into a breathtaking kiss, before the blonde collapses on top of her, spent and boneless while her body shudders with the aftershocks of her orgasm.

* * *

She’s so beautiful. And she’s hers. Dyelfean is here, with her. Naked. She’s naked and curled up in Cosima’s arm and Cosima can feel her breath against her clavicle. Dyelfean is running her hand over Cosima’s stomach, the touch barely there.

She leans down and kisses the blonde’s hair. Hears her let out a soft sigh and Dyelfean’s lip brush against the skin of her shoulder.

“I love you,” Cosima murmurs to her and sees Dyelfean’s ears perk up.

“I love you, too,” she responds, leaning up to brush her lips over Cosima’s before she settles at her side again.

“I can hear you thinking,” the brunette says after a while.

Dyelfean lets out a soft sound, her ears drooping a little. The motion of her hand stops and she settles it against Cosima’s skin.

“I have talked to Captain Sisko,” the blonde says after a long pause.

“Yeah?” Cosima mutters, closing her eyes for a moment. “I keep wondering what’s going to happen, to the station,” she says with a sigh. Reaches up and rubs a hand over her face. “Do you need to get, resettled?” she asks. She feels Dyelfean tense briefly, before the blonde exhales loudly.

“Maybe,” she allows. “But… We have been, discussing, something,” she says, the way she hesitates making Cosima’s stomach clench.

“Uh-huh?”

Dyelfean moves and searches her face. Reaches up and strokes Cosima’s cheek gently.

“There is a transport in two days. Quark is getting a shipment and he has agreed to let DS9 borrow the ship for a trip to the Gamma Quadrant.”

“No,” Cosima declares sharply. She sits up, Dyelfean moving with her. She can hear the blonde let out a soft sigh and feels her eyes narrow at her. “Dyelfean, you are not leaving this station. It’s a war zone out there-”

“I am well aware,” the Phrenarian snaps at her before she reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Her ears are moving, flicking nervously, and Cosima would think it is adorable, but she is too angry for that, right now.

“I have to go to Phrenar, Cosima. I have to talk to my government.”

“Use a subspace transmission,” the Human growls. Dyelfean gives her a glare, her eyes hardening.

“If I found possessiveness, people speaking for me and making decisions for me attractive, I would have found myself a Phrenarian mate,” she hisses and Cosima finds herself leaning back in surprise when the blonde actually exposes her canines as she snaps at her.

That’s, that’s not something Dyelfean does. Phrenarians have this weird thing, about perceived aggression and exposing their teeth. The first time Cosima had smiled at Dyelfean, had grinned at her and exposed her teeth, the blonde had been terrified. It’s kind of strange, that evolution hasn’t rid the Phrenarians of their canines yet. It’s not like they use them, really. Almost all their food is either liquified, or some form of mush or mash.

Cosima swallows thickly and ducks her head. Reaches up and hides her face in her hands, attempting to bite back an angry response. She’s not angry. Not really. She’s, she’s terrified.

She loves Dyelfean. Loves her so much, she’s the most important person in the entire universe, to Cosima. If something happened to her… She wouldn’t survive it. Nothing can happen to Dyelfean. This , it cannot touch her. It won’t be allowed to hurt her, not physically, not emotionally. She won’t be broken by this.

“I have been reading, a lot,” Dyelfean’s voice cuts through her thoughts.

“About Cardassian warships?” Cosima bites. To her surprise, the blonde does not rise to the bait. On the contrary. Cosima feels the mattress dip and then Dyelfean’s lips are brushing against her temple as she wraps her in her arms. Hugs Cosima, and the Human finds herself relaxing a little.

“About Bajor,” Dyelfean finally says, once she lets go of Cosima again. “And the Occupation.”

“Ah,” Cosima murmurs, looking away.

“The Cardassians took an entire planet and its people and they subjugated them, for fifty years. And the Federation and Starfleet, they did nothing. They just sat back and watched as Bajorans were run into the ground. They watched from the sidelines as they were tortured and killed, watched the Cardassians commit genocide, and hid behind their Prime Directive,” the Phrenarian shakes her head.

It makes Cosima let out a soft sigh. Yeah, that was, a shit thing to do. It’s not something Cosima agrees with. In cases like this, she thinks the Prime Directive can go fuck itself.

“The Cardassians and the Dominion, they will try to convince my people to stay out of this. And my government will most likely do that,” Dyelfean continues. “We are cowards, Cosima. We do not involve ourselves in the conflicts of other races, because it is comfortable for us. We stay neutral, so we do not end up on the losing side. So we do not lose trade opportunities. It is the easy thing to do, the convenient thing,” she huffs.

Cosima tilts her head, watching the blonde as she draws a deep breath, looking away as her jaw works. She can see that Dyelfean, she’s not finished. Not by a long shot, it seems.

“We have the technology, Cosima. It is not like we are a weak race that is surrounded by those that will seize upon the opportunity to crush us. Phrenar has influence, in the Gamma Quadrant. We are very capable, of defending ourselves. We sit back and watch others fight it out between themselves, circling like vultures, waiting for an opportunity for ourselves. For trade and privileges,” she shakes her head.

“You are one person, Dyelfean,” Cosima reminds her, her voice soft. “One woman, who has left Phrenar. I understand where you are coming from, believe me, I do. I agree with you, on the mistakes the Federation made, in regards to the Bajoran Occupation. It was horrible and wrong and I wish we had not done it,” she says. “But do you honestly think that you can show up at Phrenar and ask your people to please help out the Federation and they will jump at the chance? For all intents and purposes, they’re pissed with us for stealing you and will side with Cardassia and the Dominion.”

The blonde lets out a snort and gets out of bed. Grabs her underwear from the floor and then goes to pick one of the oversized shirts Cosima wears to bed sometimes. She doesn’t miss how Dyelfean rubs her nose into the fabric before she pulls it over her head. Inhaling the smell that still clings to the cloth, the smell of Cosima’s perfume and shampoo and her body. Once she is kind of dressed, the tall woman sits down at the edge of the bed, frowning at her lap.

“I know that I am just one person, Cosima,” she tells her. “But I have to try,” she adds, her brows dipping. “And even if I cannot convince them to take up arms against the Dominion, which, believe me, that would be quite a feat, I can at least ask them to cut off their trading. To not exchange resources or technology with the Cardassians or their allies. We do have influence, Cosima. If we make it clear that we do not engage with the Dominion, others will follow our example. It might seem small, but if this turns into a full-blown war, then things like this can be extremely important.”

Dyelfean shifts, leaning over to pick up Cosima’s hand from the bed. She entwines their fingers before lifting it, her lips ghosting over the brunette’s knuckles.

“I promise you, I will be careful,” she says. “I won’t be alone, some of the officers will be coming with me. And I swear to you, I will come back, Cosima. On my life I promise you that I will return to you.”

“There’s a war raging out there, Dyelfean,” Cosima shakes her head, her voice trembling. Feels her blood run cold at the thought of Dyelfean out there, in this vast, endless space, with the Cardassians waiting to wipe out Starfleet and the Federation.

“I am aware,” the blonde nods, searching Cosima’s face. “A war in which you are serving, Cosima,” she reminds her, making the brunette’s eyes widen. She opens her mouth, gaping at her girlfriend, no sound coming out.

“Cosima, you are a Lieutenant in Starfleet. Star _FLEET_ ,” she emphasizes with a small shake of her head. “What do you think is going to happen? That Starfleet will let you, sit this one out?”

“No, but…” she trails off, a shaky breath leaving her. Dyelfean gives a small shake of her head and lets go of her hand in favor of being able to cradle Cosima’s face in her hands.

“I have to do this,” the blonde insists, meeting her eyes, her lips curving into a soft smile. “If there is the slightest chance that I could help Starfleet gain the smallest advantage, I have to try,” she adds. “You are, everything, Cosima. You have to survive this. And I will make damn sure that you do.”

Dyelfean leans in for a soft kiss, lips brushing over Cosima’s in a gentle caress before she rests her forehead against Cosima. The brunette closes her eyes tightly and reaches up to cover one of Dyelfean’s hands with her own, holding on for dear life.

They’ll survive this. They just, they just have to. Cosima, she didn’t find Dyelfean just to lose her so soon, or to die before their life together has really begun.

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> elaborating on the "interspecies sex" warning: it's not overly graphic. i do not describe dyelfean's parts, cosima does not look at them, so no description of her anatomy happens. her body's noticable reaction to cosima is remarked upon and mentioned, but that's about it? cosima describes part of her anatomy to dyelfean (g-spot) (relevant segments for this warning are the third-to-last and the second-to-last scenes, beginning with "Dyelfean's arms are around her, holding her." and ending at the end marker of the next scene)
> 
> elaborating on the genocide/Occupation of Bajor warning: the Bajoran Occupation by the Cardassians has been a mirror of the Jewish persecution and genocide during WWII by the Nazis. the events that canon has discussed very closely resemble the events and actions of the Third Reich/WWII/the Holocaust. i know that some people find discussion of the events of the Occupation triggering because of how similar to Nazi practices they were, so if that is something you are sensitive to, please proceed with caution. (relevant segment for this warning is mostly the last scene of this piece, after Cosima and Dyelfean had sex, beginning with "She's so beautiful".)


End file.
